The Value of Secrecy
One of the most important themes in I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter is secrecy. Following her sister's sudden death, Julia is overcome by the idea that Olga led a secret life and kept essential information from her family. Julia is determined to investigate Olga's idyllic image as the "perfect Mexican daughter," and she crosses numerous boundaries—both literally and metaphorically—in order to uncover hidden truths.
After sneaking into Olga's bedroom on various occasions, Julia unearths a hotel room key and a box of lingerie. Although she attempts to interrogate Olga's friends in order to learn more about the intricacies of Olga's life, Julia's most important discovery occurs after hacking Olga's computer. While sifting through Olga's email inbox, Julia learns that Olga was having a years-long affair with an older, married man at her office. Additionally, Julia finds out that Olga was pregnant with this man's child at the time of her death. While Julia feels a sense of gratification for following her hunches, she is now faced with a new dilemma. Should she tell her parents about her discovery, thus shattering the notion of their chaste and mild-mannered dead daughter? Or should Julia keep her findings to herself?
As the novel progresses, it is clear that Julia's hunches about Olga's secret life cause her to feel even more pressure. These insurmountable emotions lead Julia to a suicide attempt. Following Julia's treatment in a mental hospital, she is sent to visit her family in Mexico. While there, she learns of another tragic secret—Amá was raped while crossing the border to the United States. This secret reframes Julia's entire life—she realizes that Olga is the resulting child of the assault, and she feels empathy for Amá for the first time.
While Julia previously held a rather contrived view on secrets, her discoveries throughout the novel lead her to realize that truth does not signify freedom. Ultimately, Julia decides to keep both secrets to herself. In the novel's closing scene, when Julia looks at Olga's ultrasound against the New York skyline, she understands the fragility, beauty, and value of knowing and managing secrets.
The Psychological Effects of Poverty
Throughout the novel, Julia describes her claustrophobic, roach-infested apartment located in Chicago's South Side. The claustrophobia the protagonist feels transcends a sense of physical confinement—it translates directly to Julia's stifled feelings and mounting depression. Julia's closest friends, Juanga and Lorena, often undertake desperate measures in hopes of freeing themselves from their socioeconomic condition. In this way, Sánchez depicts the cyclical nature of poverty and its psychological effects.
At the beginning of the story, Julia describes the anger and resentment she feels towards Amá and Apá. However, as the story progresses, she realizes that her family's socioeconomic status greatly shapes her parent's emotional bandwidth, thus affecting the ways in which they relate to one another. Julia often remarks on her mother's coldness and hostility, but it isn't until she accompanies Amá to work that she witnesses the condescension and abuse she endures as a housekeeper. A similar realization occurs after Julia's trip to Los Ojos. After learning that her father was once a talented artist in Mexico, Julia understands that Apá's decision to work undocumented in the U.S. caused him to sacrifice his passions and talents in order to make ends meet for his family.
While Julia is frustrated by her experience with poverty, it is the only life she knows. It isn't until she begins dating Connor that she truly understands the existence of the wealth gap. Although Connor grows up not too far away from Julia, their lives couldn't be more dissimilar—he lives in a huge home and never has to worry about food being on the table. Connor's socioeconomic privilege allows Julia to reflect on American society and the disadvantages that undocumented immigrants face.
The Many Sides of the Immigrant Experience
Julia's family dynamics are an essential element in I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter. As a first-generation American growing up with undocumented Mexican parents, Julia often explains how she straddles two disparate immigrant worlds. In Chicago, Julia's "American" experience is profoundly shaped by her Mexican heritage. She finds community with other first-generation Mexican-Americans, yet feels a clear cultural distinction between her parents and herself. When in Mexico, Julia finds herself feeling more American—she is more comfortable expressing herself in English than in Spanish, and she realizes how some of her habits have been influenced by her upbringing in the U.S.
Julia's preoccupation with uncovering the details of Olga's life is fueled by the notion that her late sister was the "perfect Mexican daughter." As the story progresses, we learn that that being the perfect Mexican daughter is synonymous with being subservient, deferential, and easygoing. Julia, who is ambitious, creative, and loud-spoken, finds herself in stark opposition to her family's expectations. In addition, Julia's inability to make tortillas only further exacerbates her feelings of inferiority and her inability to fit in.
Although Julia was first preoccupied with her own, personal experience with immigration, her trip to Los Ojos allows her to gain insight into her parents' immigration experience. For the first time, she truly sees the many things that Amá and Apá had to sacrifice in order to build a future across the border. When Julia returns to Chicago from Los Ojos, she is able to use her writing talent to articulate both her experience and that of her parents—she uses her college admissions essay to tell her family story. Writing enables Julia to have a different perspective on life's events, and she is able to process her pain in a formative way.
Julia's Coming of Age
When the reader is first introduced to Julia Reyes, she is in the midst of inexplicable tragedy. Her older sister, Olga, was killed after being suddenly struck by a bus while crossing a busy Chicago intersection. Although the audience is unaware of who Julia was before the accident, the events that follow allow the reader to understand how Julia grows and shifts throughout her tumultuous adolescence.
Immediately following Olga's death, Julia is fueled by her feelings of anger and resentment. Her relationship with Amá, already turbulent, becomes even more volatile. Instead of taking the time to sit with her feelings and understand how to prioritize her mental health, Julia continues to move through her life full speed ahead. One day, Lorena confronts Julia and explains how her defensiveness only prevents her from forming and maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships. Julia realizes that she is unable to articulate her growing feelings of inferiority or cope with the weight of her grief.
After Julia's suicide attempt, she is forced to think about her pain and prioritize her mental and physical health. Julia realizes that in order to leave Chicago and live independently, she needs to understand how to best take care of herself. Following her time in the hospital, Julia reconnects with her family in Mexico and begins to approach her parents more empathetically—she finally begins her healing process. This full-circle moment demonstrates how the novel is a bildungsroman. Julia's growth and maturity have led her to reflect on her past. Ultimately, Julia is able to use her pain to inform and build towards a brighter future.
The Legacy of Intergenerational Trauma
Intergenerational trauma is defined as "trauma that gets passed down from those who directly experience an incident to subsequent generations." Intergenerational trauma may begin with a traumatic event affecting an individual, traumatic events affecting multiple family members, or collective trauma affecting a larger community—a cultural, racial, ethnic, or other group/population.
In I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter, Julia moves from solely experiencing her own grief to exploring the traumas that have affected her parents and her greater community in Los Ojos, Mexico. While in Los Ojos, Julia learns from Mamá Jacinta that Amá was raped by a coyote (a person who smuggles immigrants across the Mexico–United States border). Julia is shocked by this story, and she is forced to think about the inevitable psychological effects it had on Amá. Although not the direct victim of the assault, Apá witnessed the attack and was deeply affected as well. Knowledge of this event prompts the reader to ask questions. How did this deeply traumatic incident affect Amá and Apá? How were their parenting styles impacted? To what effect did this incident impact Julia's subsequent upbringing?
Additionally, Julia's trip to Los Ojos sheds light on the lingering violence that once permeated life in her Mexican community. While at the pig roast with her family, Julia witnesses a drug-related shooting. Although drug-related incidents have since subsided in Los Ojos, it was a ubiquitous danger that was particularly apparent during Amá and Apá's upbringing. This violence was one of the motivating factors for Amá and Apá's decision to immigrate to the U.S. After visiting Los Ojos and understanding this part of the culture, Julia considers how growing up in a town controlled by drug cartels could traumatize family members and affect future generations.
Education as a Path to Opportunity
Although Julia runs into trouble with authority figures, school proves to be a grounding and stabilizing presence in the protagonist's life. While she struggles in math and science, Julia is a talented writer and excels in her English class. Julia's English teacher, Mr. Ingman, is an encouraging and supportive mentor for Julia. Beyond the classroom, Mr. Ingman is also attuned to Julia's mental health. He recognizes the psychological effects of her grief and attempts to find therapists and other support networks to get Julia the help she needs. Throughout the novel, he is one of the only characters that externally acknowledges the struggles Julia has faced and approaches her with empathy and understanding.
As the story progresses, we see how education allows Julia to create a new future for herself. She is able to break free from the poverty cycle and venture outside of her closed community. This is a rare opportunity that many of Julia's peers and colleagues are unable to share. Following graduation, both Lorena and Juanga have limited access to mobility due to the responsibilities they hold. When Julia lands in New York to begin her first semester at NYU, we see how she carries her past with her as she embarks on a new life chapter.
Individual Grieving Processes
While Olga's death affects the entire Reyes family, it is clear that each individual family member processes their grief in their own way. Although tragedy sometimes has the power of unifying disparate people and personalities, Olga's death deepens pre-existent family fissures. For Amá, Olga's death triggers past traumas. Her neurotic behaviors are exacerbated, and she places feelings of blame and resentment onto Julia. While Amá's emotions are outwardly expressed, Apá becomes increasingly withdrawn and solemn. Ultimately, Julia feels destabilized by her parent's disparate reactions.
In addition to coping with grief, Julia feels a sense of guilt surrounding Olga's death. However, she is unable to confide in her parents due to their respective sadness. Ultimately, each family member is so blinded by their own grief that they are unable to practice empathy or understanding for one another. It isn't until Julia's suicide attempt that Amá and Apá realize how their daughter has been affected by recent events. Julia's subsequent hospitalization prompts the family to reconnect and be in tune with one another's emotional needs.
