“You know, Julia, you’re always causing trouble, creating problems for your family. Now that she’s dead, all of a sudden you want to know everything about her? You hardly even spoke to her. Why didn’t you ask her anything when she was alive? Maybe you wouldn’t have to be here, asking me questions about her love life.”
When Olga was alive, she lived a very private life. Instead of looking further into the motivations for Olga's withdrawn nature, Amá praises Olga for her obedience and chastity. After Olga's death, Julia does everything possible to learn more about her. Although part of Julia's interest is motivated by her nosiness, she is also attempting to connect with her sister and reconcile with her feelings of grief and loss. In Amá's response, we understand her inability to connect with Julia's grieving process.
The sky is still dark, but it’s beginning to brighten. There are beautiful, faint streaks of orange over the lake. It looks like it’s been cracked open. I think of Jazmyn’s face when I told her about Olga. Everywhere I go, my sister’s ghost is hovering.
Julia is persuaded by Lorena and Juanga to go to a party in downtown Chicago. Although she is crippled by her depression and anxiety, the party promises to be an opportunity to have fun and let loose with friends. While there, however, she runs into Jazmyn, Olga's former schoolmate. Jazmyn asks Julia how Olga is doing, and Julia must explain that Olga has recently died. Julia recalls this moment while she watches the sunrise. Although Julia is overwhelmed by nature's beauty, the pain that she feels from Olga's death is constantly recurrent.
Amá just shakes her head. "You know, Julia, maybe if you knew how to behave yourself, to keep your mouth shut, your sister would still be alive. Have you ever thought about that?" She finally says it. She says what her big, sad eyes were telling me all along.
After Olga died, Julia has a feeling that Amá is angry or dissatisfied that she is still alive. Julia stands in stark contrast to Olga—she is loud, outspoken, and assertive. Tensions between Amá and Julia intensify, and Julia is constantly grounded for her commentary. Julia has struggled with feelings of culpability and guilt following Olga's death, and Amá's statement confirms what Julia has long feared: that her mother blames her for her sister's death.
But how do we live with these secrets locked within us? How do we tie our shoes, brush our hair, drink coffee, wash the dishes, and go to sleep, pretending everything is fine?
One of the most important themes in the novel is secrecy. As Julia attempts to learn more about her sister, she unearths secret after secret that unravels family traumas. Julia debates telling her parents about Olga's pregnancy. While Julia previously thought that secrets were best if shared, her discoveries throughout the novel lead her to realize that some truths are too painful to bear. Ultimately, Julia decides to keep the secret of Olga's pregnancy to herself.
"Okay, I get it, but do you actually believe he doesn't look down on us? You don't think he sees us without thinking we're ghetto? I just don't want you to get hurt. You can tell right away that he's rich."
Julia brings Connor to meet Lorena and Juanga. Although Lorena is initially eager to meet Julia's boyfriend, she soon feels that their socioeconomic differences are too great to have a genuine connection. This interaction speaks to the wealth gap and its role in the novel.
"Yes, I know, but one day you'll know how much it hurts to be a mother."
A recurring motif in I Am Not Your Mexican Daughter is misunderstanding. Just as Amá is unable to understand Julia, Julia cannot grasp Amá's internal world. As the plot unfolds, Julia learns more about the sacrifices Amá has made in order to create a future for herself, Julia, and Olga in the United States. Amá's statement is an acknowledgment of the pain she has experienced during her motherhood journey.
I hate this feeling, the not knowing. These in-between places are scary, but then again, I understand that nothing is ever certain.
Another recurring motif in the novel is uncertainty. After Olga's death, Julia understands how life can change rapidly. Her destabilization affects her outlook, and it magnifies her feelings of anxiety. However, as the novel progresses and Julia matures, we see how her anxiety eases. Instead of fearing the unknown, Julia learns to see the beauty in chance.
For months, I've tried to forget what happened, but it comes back in flashes and specks, no matter how much I try to drown it out [...] There's so much I wish we could both unsee.
Julia recalls her suicide attempt, and she remembers the look on her father's face when he found her in the bathroom. Although Julia is in a much better place by the end of the novel, the pain and struggles that she has weathered continue to weigh on her. However, as time progresses and Julia matures, she realizes that she must learn how to handle painful emotions and memories instead of running away from them.
She knows I'm no stranger to trauma. I've seen what the world is capable of.
Before Julia heads to New York University, Amá attempts to advise her on the dangers of living alone as an eighteen-year-old woman in New York. However, Julia takes her advice with a grain of salt. Although moving away from home is entering unknown territory, Julia has experienced events that have weathered her—she is not naive.
I got stuck in this horrible loop. I became completely preoccupied until I focused on my breathing and surroundings and forced myself to write a list of reasons as to why [my thinking] was untrue.
Before heading to college, Julia feels imposter syndrome. She is self-conscious of her poverty and worried that she is not qualified enough to attend college in New York with a full scholarship. However, she stops the negative spiral of her thinking and instead remembers important coping techniques she learned from her therapist. This quote demonstrates how Julia has grown throughout the novel.
