Family Conflict
Pablo and Ramona’s relationship is fraught, causing family conflict and instability during Esmeralda’s childhood. Ramona is unsatisfied with their life in Macún, a fact that is made worse by Pablo's disappearances. As a young child, Esmeralda recounts seeing her mother crying or waiting up for Pablo, who was often gone for days at a time. Angrily, Ramona confronts Pablo who responds by creating physical and emotional distance between himself and the family. Periodically, Ramona gets fed up with Pablo’s infidelities and takes the children to Santurce, a suburb of San Juan. However, eventually Pablo makes amends and they move back in together. The two are trapped in a cycle of fighting, separation, and reconciliation. Their fights are painted in painful detail through Esmeralda’s childhood eyes. She and her siblings learn to tiptoe around their parents, afraid of causing more conflict. Eventually, Ramona decides to move to New York with the children; she feels this is the only way to stop the cycle and have a better life.
Poverty
Esmeralda’s family struggles with poverty throughout her childhood. In Macún, the family lives without electricity or running water in a simple one room house made of laminated metal. Pablo works in construction but with a growing family, money is tight. Each time Ramona becomes fed up with Pablo’s infidelity she takes the children back to Santurce. However, as a single mother of seven children Ramona has few options. For a period of time they live in El Mangle in a house above a contaminated lagoon filled with sewage. Esmeralda feels embarrassed about her home, not wanting classmates at school to know where they live. Esmeralda misses Macún, where, although they were poor, they had fresh food and plenty of space to run around and play. For Ramona, however, she chafes at their living conditions in Macún and does everything she can to get out. When Esmeralda expresses discontent with life in Brooklyn, Ramona replies, “do you want to go back to living like savages?” In Brooklyn, the family’s living conditions improve but the threat of financial instability is still present. When Ramona loses her job, she’s forced to get help from welfare and resents being treated as less than human. Throughout their hardships, Santiago shows the family’s resilience and how they maintain a sense of dignity even under trying circumstances.
Abandonment
Related to the theme of family conflict is that of abandonment. Pablo disappears from the family for days at a time, and Ramona is left alone with the children. Without any support or knowledge of his whereabouts, Ramona feels this abandonment deeply. As Esmeralda grows up, she feels the pain of Pablo’s lies and absences firsthand. This is made more painful by the fact that she was so close with her father as a young child. When Ramona goes to New York for Raymond’s health, Esmeralda worries that her mother will never come back. Esmeralda develops a fear of abandonment precisely because of her father’s absences. However, Ramona is committed to her family and her children learn that of all the adults in their lives it is she alone they can rely on.
Migration
From a young age, Esmeralda hears about New York and the people who have moved there. Esmeralda’s family live in poverty, as do many Puerto Ricans at that time. Migration becomes a way of accessing more opportunity. Santiago explores the differing reactions people have to migration: the excitement and hope Ramona feels, and the pain and longing for one's homeland captured in the song “My Old San Juan.” Esmeralda and her family must adapt to a harsh and unfamiliar city and Esmeralda struggles to find her place. In the welfare office, Esmeralda helps Ramona translate. She feels acutely the responsibility of her role as a bridge between two languages and cultures. Ramona believes wholeheartedly in the American Dream, and works hard and sacrifices for her children so they can have a better life. However, in detailing her family’s journey, Santiago makes clear that pursuing the American Dream comes at a cost.
Identity
In recounting the experiences of her life, Santiago portrays how place impacts cultural identity. The majority of the memoir takes place in Puerto Rico where Esmeralda alternatively lives in the country and the city. Her father’s family are jíbaros or rural Puerto Ricans. Esmeralda is proud of being a jíbaro, but when she reaches the city she is made fun of for being backwards. Esmeralda and her family face a similar discrimination when they move to New York. As Puerto Ricans, they are seen as outsiders and are often treated as such. Coming to the U.S. further shapes Esmeralda’s identity. Moving at thirteen, many of her formative years occur in the U.S. Santiago narrates how American culture and ideas mixed with her Puerto Rican upbringing.
Imperialism
Santiago explores the theme of imperialism through the relationship between the United States and Puerto Rico. As a child, Esmeralda hears the word “imperialist” and asks Pablo about it. He explains that Puerto Rico was made a colony of the United States and that “they expect us to do things their way.” This imposition of American ways is present in Esmeralda’s life at a young age through the American food they’re given at the community center and the nutrition workshop for the mothers of Macún. Esmeralda pushes back, chafing at the idea that she should feel grateful for something she finds disgusting. Due to their status as U.S. citizens, Puerto Ricans are allowed to travel to the U.S., yet upon arriving they are treated as outsiders.
Gender Roles and Expectations
Esmeralda’s world is full of rules regarding how men and women should behave. As a girl, Esmeralda is expected to be modest, demure, and to help out around the house. She struggles to fit into these expectations, often getting lectured by Ramona or other adults in her life when she fails to live up to these rules. Adults must follow similar rules: women are supposed to stay in the home and take care of the children. When Ramona gets a job she is severely punished for it in the community for breaking with the prescribed roles of mother and wife. Men on the other hand are allowed the freedom to relax and live a life outside the home. While they are scorned by the women in their lives for drinking and infidelity, their behavior is also viewed as unsurprising, part of being a man. When the family moves to the United States, the rules of behavior are somewhat relaxed.
