Love Songs (Motif)
Esmeralda’s environment is full of love songs (called boleros). Whether in Macún, in the market, or passing outside a bar in Santurce, these songs are woven into the background of her childhood. Santiago’s choice to include these songs, and at times their lyrics, in the memoir serves as a motif to talk about the beauty and pain of love. These songs form part of Esmeralda’s education about the adult world of love: fighting and making up, abandonment, betrayal, and men and women ruining each other’s lives. They talk of happiness but more often of pain and suffering, qualities that mirror Esmeralda’s parents' tumultuous relationship.
Ramona Getting a Job (Symbol)
With seven children to feed, Ramona decides to get a job outside the home to help provide for the family. Her decision breaks the norms of Macún which dictate that a woman’s place is in the home. Ramona’s choice to ignore custom is a symbol of her independence. For years, Ramona has been stuck alone at home caring for their children while Pablo is out in the world. He works but also has affairs and gets an escape from family life. Her job brings Ramona a sense of pride, especially as she is promoted for her hard work. Even though Ramona is criticized by those in town for being a “bad mother,” she fiercely defends herself, determined to pursue a better life for herself and her children.
Esmeralda Leaving Her Body (Motif)
Esmeralda describes leaving her body at different points throughout the memoir. The first time, Esmeralda is a little girl and she talks about how sometimes she walks beside herself. After learning about what a soul is, Esmeralda comes to believe it is her soul that “wanders” from her body. The next time, it happens after Esmeralda gets in a fight with her teacher over the free American breakfasts. Walking home dejectedly she describes how she “floated in the tree-tops and watched myself from above, an insignificant creature.” Similarly, she also leaves her body while receiving a brutal beating from Ramona, and when she’s being humiliated by one of her teachers in front of the entire class. In each of these moments, Esmeralda feels humiliated and powerless, faced with a situation that she feels is unjust but has no control over. Leaving her body is a form of escape, to distance herself from her current reality.
New York (Symbol)
Throughout the novel, there are mentions of New York. New York becomes a symbol for Esmeralda’s family of a better life, the American Dream. Santiago writes, “a place said to be as full of promise as Ponce de León’s El Dorado,” referring to the mythical city of gold that the Spanish sought in colonial times. This idea is reinforced when their family receives packages from their cousins in the United States which are full of clothes and shoes that they themselves could never afford. The children look with wonder and imagine that everyone in New York is rich. After traveling to New York, Ramona speaks about it “with reverence” adding to the city’s mystique and awe. When Esmeralda actually arrives in New York, the reality of life there clashes with the symbol she had envisioned. She’s surprised to find the streets dark, empty, and unwelcoming—the complete opposite of the cheery and clean New York she’d imagined. The reality is much more complicated, a mix of an exciting new life along with the struggles of adapting to a tough and often unwelcoming home.
A Wrinkled and Dirty Dollar (Symbol)
Esmeralda’s uncle Chico sexually harasses and assaults her when she is a teenager in Brooklyn. First, he tries to pay her to show him her breasts, tearily saying he “just wants to look.” When she refuses, Chico sneaks up on her the next day and pinches her nipple. There are other people in the house at the time. Chico whispers in Esmeralda’s ear not to tell before throwing her a wrinkled and dirty dollar bill. With the dollar, Chico tries to buy her silence for an act that Esmeralda did not consent to or want. Esmeralda wants to scream in pain and humiliation but holds back. The dollar symbolizes how she feels at that moment, dirty and used. Feeling like she cannot say anything, Esmeralda hides her feelings by going out the next day and buying an ice cream sundae, turning to food to comfort her.
