Summary
Tara begins her first year at Brigham Young University, a Mormon college in Provo, Utah. Tara has a very difficult time adjusting to her new life, both at home and in the classroom. When she meets her roommates, Tara is shocked when she realizes that they do not abide by religious doctrine as strictly as she does. Later, in an introductory history class, Tara embarrasses herself when she publicly asks what the word “holocaust” means. The more time that Tara spends at school, the more she is forced to confront the gaps in her knowledge.
As her semester continues, Tara grows increasingly stressed by her financial burdens. Tara acknowledges that if she is unable to pay her bills, she will have to withdraw from school and return home. Tara’s stress is compounded by the fact that she is failing her Western civilization class and thus at risk of losing her scholarship. After having a conversation with one of her classmates, Vanessa, Tara realizes that she never purchased a textbook for Western Civ. After she acquires and studies the textbook, Tara’s performance improves.
Tara returns home for summer break and resumes working in the scrapyard. She begins to go on dates again with Charles, and she must deal with the drama of home life. Although she wants to work at the grocery store, Gene insists that Tara work at the scrapyard if she is going to live under his roof. The longer she stays at home, the more Tara begins to lose her memories of her life at BYU. However, halfway through the summer, Tara realizes that she has passed all of her classes and can go back to school on her scholarship.
While at home, Tara reflects on Shawn’s use of racial slurs. She thinks about her college coursework, particularly about a class that detailed the history of slavery. At the beginning of the class, Tara was under the impression that slavery and racism occurred centuries before her birth. However, after learning about the murder of Emmett Till and realizing that this event occurred during her mother’s lifetime, Tara begins to reflect upon her role as a white woman in American society. Furthermore, she grows disgusted by her family’s racist actions and attitudes.
Shawn and Gene notice that Tara has changed in her time away from home. They mock her incessantly, labeling her “uppity” and out of touch. After working in the junkyard all summer, Tara goes back to school in the fall. She struggles with algebra, begins working as a janitor, and has various health issues. While her roommates urge her to get treated by a doctor, Tara is insistent on returning home during Thanksgiving break and receiving herbal treatment from her mother.
During her time at home, Tara is beaten and physically abused by Shawn. Charles witnesses this abuse, which mortifies Tara. Although Charles tells Tara that her home environment is unhealthy and harmful, Tara grows oppositional to Charles’s care. They break up before Tara returns back to complete the fall semester. At school, Tara’s roommates grow concerned about her mental and physical health. They encourage her to see a doctor and a therapist, but Tara resists.
After completing her finals, Tara goes home for Christmas. Shawn’s abuse persists, and at one point he forces Tara to accompany him to the grocery store in order to embarrass her in front of Charles. Back at school, Tara begins to visit her church’s bishop for weekly sessions. The bishop provides her with grant money, and Tara is able to pay her rent and receive much-needed dental care. In her first psychology class, Tara thinks a lot about her father’s paranoia and his mental health. Tara ultimately diagnoses her father as bipolar, and she grows angry at the fact that she suffered as a result of his untreated mental illness.
Analysis
Prior to her arrival at BYU, Tara is confident that she will have something in common with the other Mormon students. However, it isn’t until she meets her roommates and classmates that she recognizes the abnormal circumstances of her own upbringing. This initial realization causes Tara to feel ostracized and foreign in her new community. Additionally, Tara has an incredibly difficult time adjusting to the college’s academic rigor. Tara grows resentful towards her family for the large gaps in her knowledge, and she realizes how the lack of an education can breed ignorance and hate.
As Tara attempts to catch up to her peers both socially and academically, she also struggles to fight against the persistent effects of poverty. Tara’s acceptance to BYU causes Gene to lose a worker on his scrapyard. Therefore, Tara does not have any familial financial assistance, and she must work to single-handedly support herself through college. The mounting economic pressure causes Tara to feel anxious and overwhelmed. This anxiety manifests as physical illness, which Tara refuses to be treated for.
During her first few semesters at BYU, Tara struggles to reconcile her college life with her life at Buck’s Peak. Each time she returns home for a break between semesters, she is faced with the realization that she is straddling two opposing universes. During her first summer at home, Tara becomes so overwhelmed by life at Buck’s Peak that she begins to question whether returning to BYU is actually feasible. Tara is chastised for becoming educated, and Gene and Shawn are threatened by her knowledge and enlightenment. Shawn’s abrasive reaction to Tara’s education further exacerbates Tara’s feelings of alienation at home.
At college, Tara learns about the violent history of the United States and is forced to examine her family’s whiteness. Tara understands that the lack of an education can be dangerous, and she considers the consequences of Shawn’s racist worldview. Although Tara wants to remain loyal to her family, her coursework has opened her eyes to the harmful limitations of the Westover’s survivalist lifestyle. Meanwhile, in Tara’s psychology class, the narrator realizes that her father probably suffers from bipolar disorder. This realization prompts Tara to consider how Gene’s mental illness involuntarily affected her own life, and she harbors resentment.
Tara is mortified when Charles witnesses Shawn abuse her. This experience is profoundly traumatic, and it deeply affects Tara’s future intimate relationships. Although Charles attempts to be Tara’s ally, Tara is unable to be vulnerable and accept this love. Tara cannot confide in her partners, and she grows increasingly secretive and withdrawn. As a result, Tara intentionally sabotages important emotional relationships. This leads Tara to feel more alone and isolated than ever before.
