Summary
In 1999, Tara prepares for her lead role in the musical Annie while her father prepares for Y2K, the supposed “end of the world.” Tara grows sick with inflamed tonsils, and Gene suggests that she stand in the sun with her mouth open as a remedy. The entire family mobilizes to prepare for Y2K, and they even forgo Christmas celebrations. On the morning of January 1, 2000, Tara awakes to discover that the world is unchanged. Due to his incorrect apocalyptic predictions, Gene grows withdrawn and depressed.
In order to combat Gene’s change in affect, the family plans another trip to Arizona to avoid Idaho’s harsh winter. On the road, Gene irresponsibly accelerates despite the terrible driving conditions. The family, still reeling from the effects of their last car accident, braces for impact. When the car leaves the road, Tara is disoriented and feels as though she’s underwater. A few days after the crash, Tara experiences crippling headaches and loses her ability to walk. She is bed-bound for a month, until her brother Shawn cracks her back and cures her of her ailment.
After recovery, Shawn teaches Tara how to “break a horse.” Although she resists his training sessions, Shawn forces Tara into an uncomfortable and life-threatening situation. As she takes a ride on Bud, a young horse, Tara gets her foot stuck in the stirrup with no way of freeing it. Although she’s never before faced this kind of situation, Tara must trust her instincts and remain on the horse. Luckily, these instincts save her—by remaining on the horse, Shawn is able to come to her aid and rescue her.
Tara continues unpacking her relationship with Shawn and their shared experiences together. She tells of a time when the two of them took a trip together along the west coast while running their other brother’s rig. Shawn teaches Tara some lessons in self-defense, and the two seem to share a close bond. When Shawn begins dating a girl named Sadie, his behavior becomes physically and emotionally abusive. Tara must brave Shawn’s erraticism at random moments, and she experiences the growing feeling that her home is unsafe.
Shawn’s aggressions persist, and one morning Tara is awakened by him choking her in her sleep. His behavior hints at bipolar disorder, as he shifts between extreme bursts of anger followed by intense remorse. During one of Shawn’s attacks, by chance Tyler returns to the house. Tyler stops the incident from escalating further, and Tara gets a moment to reflect on her life and further understand how she is outgrowing her environment.
Tyler urges Tara to apply to college. As a student at Brigham Young University, Tyler is aware that university is a good way to escape their abusive home. Tara must study for the ACT in order to be a candidate for admission, and she must teach herself trigonometry and algebra. Her mother and Tyler both help her study, thus demonstrating their support for her college plan. While Tara is consumed with preparing for her future, Shawn falls while working in the scrapyard and sustains a life-threatening brain injury.
Although Shawn survives his accident, his mental illness intensifies. As a result of this experience, Tara begins studying harder than ever in order to flee her toxic, dangerous home. Although she initially fails the math portion of the ACT, Tara studies to retake the exam and scores a 28. Tara applies to BYU, and later discovers that she has been accepted. Her semester will begin on January 5th, and she passes the remainder of the winter in a haze awaiting this major change in her life.
Analysis
Tara’s involvement in a local production of Annie stands in stark contrast to Gene’s preparations for Y2K. While Tara is merely trying to enjoy a pleasurable childhood activity, her happiness is interrupted by Gene’s paranoia and her family’s heightened anxiety. Within this context, the story of Annie is particularly symbolic. In the Broadway play, Annie is set at the end of the Great Depression in 1933. Annie is a young orphan who stands out for her bright red hair and bravery.
Although her circumstances are far from ideal, Annie is able to leverage her positive outlook and persevere through life’s challenges. The play centers around the importance of hope, optimism, and justice. Like Annie, Tara’s early life represents a girlhood impacted by a downtrodden Americana. Both characters are affected by negligent parental figures and are forced to grapple with the limits of childhood. Moreover, both Annie and Tara are determined to overcome their childhood traumas and create their own successful paths.
In this section, Tara further explores the lack of agency in her childhood. Tara witnesses her father’s depressive episodes each winter when the family travels to Arizona. Gene’s intense mood swings endanger his family. As he accelerates the car through the icy terrain, Tara predicts a negative outcome—however, as a child in the backseat, she is trapped and cannot do anything except brace for impact. Tara is severely injured as a result of her father’s negligence, and she is bed bound for nearly a month.
Additionally, Tara talks about her relationship with Shawn during childhood. The two siblings were particularly close while growing up, and Tara has many positive memories of her brother. Shawn has strength and strong survival tactics, and he saves Tara from a potentially life-threatening horse accident. However, as the memoir progresses, Shawn grows increasingly aggressive. Shawn ultimately compromises the safety of Tara’s environment, and Tara constantly feels under attack.
Tyler is the character that most encourages Tara to pursue college as a means of escaping Buck’s Peak. During Tara’s ACT preparation, she realizes the immense gaps in her knowledge. Though her parents have long-defended the fact that they homeschool their children, Tara realizes that she does not possess basic writing or analytical skills. Still, Tara is tenacious and determined to pass. When she receives acceptance to BYU, Tara disengages from her home life. Although she is nervous about what’s to come, she is confident that her experience at college will be less stressful than the current state of affairs.
