“You wear makeup now?”
Shawn notices that Tara has begun applying Audrey's makeup to prepare for her dates with Charles. Shawn's awareness indicates his changing behavior toward his sister. He notices that she is no longer a young girl, but rather she is maturing into womanhood. Tara's femininity causes Shawn to feel threatened, and he begins abusing her. This action demonstrates how Shawn has internalized and repeated Gene's misogynistic attitudes.
I had finally begun to grasp something that should have been immediately apparent: that someone had opposed the great march toward equality; someone had been the person from whom freedom had to be wrested. I did not think of my brother as that person; I doubt I will ever think of him that way.
Once Tara begins taking history classes at BYU, she notices how, without an education, one remains ignorant. Most importantly, Tara realizes that this ignorance has manifested into hateful attitudes. Shawn, who is unaware of the history of American slavery, is unable to understand the meanings and the effects of his racist language. Although Tara has previously had a hard time connecting history to the present, she now sees how Shawn defends America's racist history.
I’d always known that my father believed in a different God. As a child, I’d been aware that although my family attended the same church as everyone in our town, our religion was not the same. They believed in modesty; we practiced it. They believed in God’s power to heal; we left our injuries in God’s hands. They believed in preparing for the Second Coming; we were actually prepared. For as long as I could remember, I’d known that the members of my own family were the only true Mormons I had ever known, and yet for some reason, here at this university, in this chapel, for the first time I felt the immensity of the gap.
Upon leaving Buck's Peak to attend college with other Mormons, Tara realizes the difference between her religious upbringing and that of her peers. Although she has long been told that her family is religious, she now understands that her father has always interpreted Mormonism quite literally. Instead of believing in the values and powers discussed in scripture, Gene makes his family align their lifestyle with what is written. Although Tara is initially quick to judge her Mormon peers for not being as religious as she is, Tara soon understands the downfalls and inaccessibility of being a religious extremist. This realization causes Tara to feel isolated from her community.
He seemed in a stage of constant transition, phasing in and out of dimensions, unsure whether to be my father's son or his wife's husband.
In this excerpt, Tara observes the behavior of her brother Richard. In his adulthood, Richard has left home and settled in a different part of Idaho with his wife and children. Tara watches Richard as he reacts to Gene's preaching. When he is around his wife, Richard brushes off his father's statements. However, when he makes eye contact with Gene, he is much more considerate of his father's arguments. This demonstrates how Richard, much like Tara, is caught between two worlds. Although he is able to recognize Gene's extremism, he also loves his father and understands the importance of respect for one's parents.
My interview for the Gates scholarship took place at St. John's College in Annapolis. The campus was intimidating, with its immaculate lawns and crisp colonial architecture.
Once Tara begins receiving recognition for her outstanding academic achievements, she suffers deeply from imposter syndrome. She consistently feels as though she is not worthy of such accolades, and she feels uncomfortable in her body. In addition, Tara's connection to nature and her rural Buck's Peak environment causes her to feel uneasy in her newfound manicured settings. Oftentimes, Tara describes these feelings in relation to the scale of architecture. At Harvard, Cambridge, BYU, and St. John's, Tara feels dwarfed by the gothic buildings and pristine groundskeeping. This dissonance exacerbates Tara's feelings of estrangement.
"I could tolerate any form of cruelty better than kindness. Praise was a poison to me; I choked on it."
At Cambridge, Tara is forced to confront her feelings of self-loathing. When Professor Steinberg praises Tara's writing, she is taken aback and unprepared. She realizes that she has long considered herself unworthy, and she has found her strength and motivation through failure. At this stage in Tara's life, she understands that she must believe in herself and trust her abilities in order to truly embrace who she is.
Proof that my ancestors walked that peak, watching and waiting, angels at their command.
Throughout the memoir, Tara describes the unusual events that happened at Buck's Peak. On a few different occasions, there were terrible accidents that harmed various family members. In this excerpt, Tara reflects on the moment when her father was severely burned. Gene's survival story prompts Tara to consider her generational connection to the land and Buck's Peak's spiritual essence.
"Suspended between fear of the past and fear of the future, I recorded the dream in my journal."
As Tara prepares to leave home, she is overcome by feelings of anxiety and stress. Although Tara knows there is no turning back, she is unsure of what the future will bring. Throughout the memoir, Tara explains that she often experiences nightmares or night terrors while distressed. However, journaling proves to be a cathartic activity. This quote demonstrates the importance of storytelling. Ultimately, Tara is able to find comfort and control in her life by writing her experiences and emotions.
"There's a world out there, Tara," he said. "And it will look a lot different once Dad is no longer whispering his view of it in your ear."
After Tyler leaves home to go to BYU, he is awakened by his understanding of the world beyond Buck's Peak. Tyler encourages Tara to apply to college in order to escape her oppressive environment. In this statement, Tyler acknowledges that his entire perception of the world has been built upon his father's religious extremism. Tyler confirms Tara's own feelings and demonstrates his support for his sister. Tyler's suggestion drastically alters the course of Tara's life.
What is a person to do, I asked, when their obligations to family conflict with other obligations—to friends, to society, to themselves?
After Tara confronts her parents about Shawn's abuse, Gene and Faye disown their daughter. Due to this estrangement, Tara begins to unravel and experience the symptoms of a nervous breakdown. She is failing her PhD, and her advisors suggest that she drop out of the program. However, Tara begins studying again and is able to connect her research to Mormonism. This quote addresses one of her central research questions. Interestingly, Tara's academic pursuits prompt her to reframe her opinions about the role of the family. Tara's research allows her to distance herself from her parents and frame their behavior in a historical and sociopolitical context.
