The Trick to Ordering the Perfect Meal Anonymous

Unlike most people I know, I’ve never been disappointed by a meal at a restaurant. It’s hard to believe, but if there’s anything I’ve got a knack for, it’s picking food off of a menu. Here, for the first time ever, I intend to share my most closely-guarded secret: the trick to ordering the perfect meal, every time.

Meal selection, in my eyes, is a three-part process. Any meal worth its salt (or sugar, or pepper) capitalizes off of its background. So I like to look at the cultural origin of any given meal, and whether or not it’s compatible with the restaurant I’m at. My friends have made the mistake of ordering cheeseburgers at Ethiopian restaurants, but I’ve learned that cultural sensitivity has practical applications—at least when it comes to ordering food.

As a student, I’m also frugal. Lamentably, even food can’t escape the clutches of trade wars and tariffs and industry regulations, and knowing about the state of the shellfish market, or whether certain trade restrictions are in place, helps me avoid overpaying for a meal.

Perhaps the most important element of my meal selection technique is spontaneity. I take calculated culinary risks to maximize gastronomic returns; it’s like investing in the market, but for food....