I'm starting to notice a pattern: Evelyn always leaves you hoping you'll get just a little bit more. And she always denies you.
This quotation is one of Monique's thoughts from early in the novel, as she is first getting to know Evelyn Hugo. Monique notices quickly that Evelyn is extremely good at both seduction and manipulation, which she achieves by strategically withholding information or intimacy until she gets what she wants. Monique is able to pinpoint one of the qualities that has made Evelyn extremely successful as a star and sex symbol; she does not yet realize that this quality will also play a role in why Evelyn sometimes had an unhappy life. This quotation is also ironic because for much of the novel, Monique will believe that Evelyn was being totally transparent with her, and sharing intimate details that she has never told anyone before. Monique is correct in thinking that Evelyn shares a lot with her, but her initial impression that Evelyn will always hold something back foreshadows the eventual revelation that Evelyn has hidden the truth about Monique's father.
To be clear, there are things I regret. It's just... it's not really the sordid things.
Evelyn speaks this quotation to Monique as she first begins to narrate her life story. The quotation foreshadows Evelyn's sometimes unethical actions, and her relationship to her past. The quotation builds anticipation and interest for both Monique and the reader, since the statement confirms that there are indeed sordid events in Evelyn's past. The quotation also helps to develop Evelyn's character by showing her to be someone who is self-aware, and capable of thinking about her life in complex and morally ambiguous ways. Evelyn may sometimes be characterized as an unreliable narrator, since she is always recounting events in which she has a personal stake, and this quotation encourages both Monique and the readers of the novel to analyze various situations to determine if Evelyn seems to feel regret about them.
Oh, I know the whole world prefers a woman who doesn't know her power, but I'm sick of all that. I turned heads.
Evelyn speaks this quotation when she is describing herself as an adolescent, and observing that she was extremely beautiful. In this quotation, Evelyn tackles a prevailing social expectation of women displaying modesty and deference, especially in regard to their physical appearance. Evelyn refuses to pretend that she was unaware of her appearance, and she states this openly and proudly. Moreover, Evelyn was not just aware of her beauty, but she was comfortable utilizing it, and recognizing it as a source of power. At a time period when women had limited opportunities to achieve freedom and independence, Evelyn saw her physical allure as an important asset that she could commodify and use to empower herself.
For so long, I felt like two halves.
Monique speaks this quotation as she reflects on her experience as a biracial woman, growing up at a time when this was not a common experience. Monique's experience as a biracial woman was sometimes lonely and isolating, especially because her father's early death left her with little access to that part of her heritage. Monique's experience of feeling like an outsider and lacking a sense of belonging shows why she often relates to parts of Evelyn's story, particularly when Evelyn reveals her own identity as a bisexual woman. Finally, Monique's sense of feeling like two halves, and lacking a sense of unified identity also partially explains why she may have been vulnerable to an unhappy relationship. Even though she never truly felt strongly about David, she hoped he would give her the sense of fulfillment that she lacked. This search contrasts with Evelyn, who, while she has married many times, has never looked to her partners to give her a sense of fulfillment.
This is why she wants to be so acutely understood, with such perfect word choices. Because she wants to be seen exactly as she truly is, with all the nuances and shades of gray.
This quotation occurs after Monique mistakenly labels Evelyn as gay after Evelyn first confides about falling in love with Celia. Evelyn responds angrily, and Monique is forced to think about the importance of listening closely and understanding accurately, rather than rushing to make assumptions about others. Evelyn's identity as a bisexual woman is complex, and easy to dismiss because not everyone can understand that someone might hold multiple desires simultaneously. At this stage in their conversation, Monique still sees people and events in a fairly binary way and she reveals this by quickly making the assumption that Evelyn is gay rather than bisexual. Monique's reflection in this quotation, however, shows she quickly gains the ability to think about Evelyn's identity in a more complex way. Evelyn chooses Monique as her biographer because Evelyn can tell (based on, for example, how Monique writes about assisted suicide) that Monique is capable of seeing people and situations in complex and ambiguous terms.
Heartbreak is loss. Divorce is a piece of paper.
Evelyn speaks this quotation to Monique, unwittingly transforming Monique's idea of what marriage and divorce mean. Prior to meeting Evelyn, Monique has been feeling a lot of shame about the end of her marriage, because she sees divorce as inherently a somewhat bad and embarrassing thing. Evelyn helps Monique to see that the end of any relationship can be difficult if two people love and miss one another - but the end of a marriage may not involve any emotions. Evelyn is able to make this distinction between heartbreak and divorce because her greatest pain came from her separations from Celia, but her divorces caused her very little distress, and were sometimes a relief. When Monique thinks about her situation through this lens, she realizes that she is not actually sad about losing David, just embarrassed and uncomfortable about going through a divorce. This reflection helps Monique to make peace with the end of her marriage, and later to resist David's attempts to reunite.
The world is ugly, and no one wants to give anyone the benefit of the doubt about anything. When we lose our work and our reputations, when we lose our friends and, eventually, what money we have, we will be destitute. I've lived that way before. And I cannot let it happen to you.
Evelyn speaks this quotation to Celia when she explains why she is so insistent on keeping their relationship completely secret. Celia is sometimes optimistic that she and Evelyn could live as an openly queer couple, and still maintain their careers. Evelyn is much more cynical and does not believe that this is possible; moreover, Evelyn is much more concerned about financial security. The differences in Evelyn and Celia's attitudes might be explained by their different backgrounds and levels of privilege. Even before she became a Hollywood star, Celia grew up very wealthy and also had a great deal of privilege as a beautiful white woman. Evelyn grew up as a Cuban-American girl from a poor immigrant family, and she knows that she has no safety net to fall back on. Therefore, Evelyn is much more conservative, and unwilling to take any risks with her and Celia's future.
It really makes you think, doesn't it? That people were so eager to believe we were swapping spouses, but would have been scandalized to know we were monogamous and queer?
Evelyn speaks this quotation as she reflects on the way her relationship was perceived, during the time when she was married to Harry, and Celia was married to John. Especially because they were such public figures, the closeness between the four individuals drew attention. Evelyn points out the hypocrisy in what people found titillating or interesting to believe: people were open to the idea of infidelity or polyamorous relationships, as long as everyone involved conformed to norms of heterosexuality. Evelyn's comment shows that public perception of morality is often hypocritical and arbitrary.
That's my tragedy. That I used my body when it was all I had, and then I kept doing it even when I had other options. I kept using it even when I knew it would hurt the woman I loved.
Evelyn speaks this quotation when she tells Monique about her second breakup with Celia, which occurred after Evelyn filmed an explicit sex scene without telling Celia in advance. Evelyn frankly and humbly admits that she caused problems in her relationship with Celia because she was fixated on her career, and she knew that using her body and sexuality to attract attention was a way to do that. In this quotation, Evelyn alludes to how her early experiences were formative, but also scarring: when she was young, she had to rely on using her body to gain power and control. Because of this, Evelyn came to believe that her self-worth was connected primarily to her looks, and she could never fully give up this belief. Evelyn admits that, deep down, she knew her actions would hurt Celia, and yet she went ahead anyways.
And maybe one day I'll find someone I love the way Evelyn loved Celia. Or maybe I might just find someone I love the way my parents loved each other. Knowing to look for it, knowing there are all different types of great loves out there, is enough for me for now.
Monique speaks this quotation towards the end of the novel, when she reflects on what she has learned from Evelyn, and how her perspective has changed. At the start of the novel, Monique is somewhat sheltered and rigid in her view of how romantic relationships should function. She also has an idealistic perspective of what her parents' marriage was like. After listening to Evelyn's narrative, and learning new information about her father, Monique has a much more nuanced perspective on how relationships can work, and what purposes they might serve. She also understands that the relationship with David was not worth pursuing, because it did not bring her happiness, or help her advance towards her goals. Monique looks forward to finding more meaningful relationships in the future now that she can better understand the many different ways that relationships can work.
