Mrs. Gorf
Mrs. Gorf is the original teacher of the students in the class on the 30th floor which is the focus of this series. She is very strict and when a student misbehaves she will turn them into an apple. Inevitably, the entire class is transformed into apples which leads to a student rebellion that ends with Mrs. Gorf facing the same punishment. Once the apple that is actually Mrs. Gorf is unwittingly eaten, it becomes necessary to find a new teacher for the 30th floor.
Mrs. Jewls
Upon first seeing the students in the classroom on the 30th floor, Mrs. Jewls thinks they are so cute that they must be monkeys and complains that she is a teacher, not a zookeeper. Eventually, she is convinced that students are monkeys. She will remain their teacher through the subsequent sequels.
Miss Zarves
Miss Zarves is also a teacher who appears throughout the series. Her situation is introduced as especially unique, however, and her stories collectively become a kind of serialized story-within-the-story in which more information is given. Her special situation is that she is the teacher of the class on the 19th story of the school, but since there is no official recognition of the 19th floor of the building actually being the 19th story, neither she nor the classroom is recognized to exist.
Kathy
Each of the chapters in the book is titled after the character upon whom they focus. Kathy’s chapter is another one that idiosyncratic. (The entirety of Chapter 19: Miss Zarves, for instance, is comprised of “There is no Miss Zarves. There is no nineteenth story. Sorry.”) “Kathy” is the very next chapter and opens with the sudden switch from a third-person narrative perspective to the much more unusual second-person point-of-view with the shocking announcement that “Kathy doesn’t like you…In fact, she thinks you are the stupidest person she doesn’t know.” In the end, it is revealed that Kathy doesn’t like the reader because is convinced if they ever met her, they wouldn’t like her.
The Three Erics
Eric Bacon, Eric Fry, and Eric Ovens are all students in the classroom on the 30th floor of the school. In addition to sharing the same first name, all three Erics also share inappropriate nicknames. Eric Bacon is known as “Fatso” despite being the skinniest kid in class because the other two Erics actually are overweight. Eric Fry is called “Butterfingers” despite being the best athlete in class because the other two Erics are bad at sports. Because the other two Erics are known for being mean, Eric Ovens is taunted as “Crabapple” even though he routinely demonstrates he is the nicest kid in class.
Louis
The final chapter of the book is titled “Louis” and is about neither a classroom teacher nor a student. He is initially introduced as a mustachioed red-faced yard teacher whose job is to ensure that nobody has too much fun during lunch and recess. He is then revealed to be the author of the book. Louis is also the person who got hungry one day and figured Mrs. Gorf wouldn’t mind if he took just one of her apples to snack on since she had so many others.
