The irony of disorientation
By moving Grace to Australia, her family was hoping to provide possibilities and opportunities that just don't exist in East Asia (to better "orient" her in the world). However, as the title (and plot) indicate, Grace feels constantly traumatized and rattled by constantly being uprooted and moved around. The result is that she doesn't feel that she has a home.
The irony of expectation
Because her family loves her and admires her, Grace is constantly afflicted by their assumptions about who she should be and how she should feel about herself. These expectations are ironic because they are born out of love and desire for Grace to do well, but in reality, they are futile and unreasonable. Grace cannot please her family and do the right thing for herself, so her family has ironically ostracized Grace.
The irony of motherhood
Grace can't find peace in the wake of her mother's death. She spends her time with the family analyzing them, and she remembers that her mother shared many of their assumptions and expectations. This points to the irony of motherhood, because although motherhood is typically a symbol for life-giving nourishment and support, motherhood also implies the opposite of that. Parents can be simultaneously heroes and villains. Even the best of them must be forgiven for their human limitations and imperfections.
The irony of freedom
There's a line in Lao Tzu's famous Tao Te Ching, that says, "If someone tries to please people, they will become a slave to those people." That's essentially what Grace discovers about her family. She assumed that pleasing her family was the right way to handle their expectations for her, but that leaves her feeling empty and isolated. If she wants to be truly free, she will need to learn how to disappoint her family without succumbing to the overwhelming shame she feels about potentially "being a disappointment."
The irony of honor
Honor is an ironic question that goes without saying in this novel. By constantly trying to figure out what the ideal relationship might be for relating to her own family, Grace is asking the question of honor. "What should I do to honor my family and ancestors?" Ironically, the answer isn't "Do what they want." It's the opposite; in order to make the most of her family's generosity and sacrifice, she should do the right thing for herself, even if that isn't what her family would want. By being independent, healthy, and happy, she will bring more honor on her family than if she allows their expectations to make her dysfunctional.
