You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me is a detailed account of Sherman Alexie’s troubled relationship with his mother. Lilian was an abusive parent who would do anything for Sherman but at the same time put him through the worst kind of abuse. In the memoir, Sherman highlights an encounter with his mother. One night, his mother hit him on the head with a soda can. She did not care whether Sherman was severely injured or not and made him sleep it off. Sherman eventually forgives his mother when he finds out she was raped and is also a product of rape. Although these facts are disputed among relatives, Sherman chooses to believe them.
Lilian was an alcoholic who terrorized her family. She eventually quits drinking before it’s too late. Joseph Alexie, Sherman’s father is not so lucky as he drinks himself to death. Sherman’s mother had to go through tough situations in her past which have made her both a survivor and a victim. These two sides of her are forever battling inside. She’s sometimes the best mother and sometimes the worst. She is incapable of giving her child the affection he so desperately seeks. Like most victims of abuse, Lillian has lost her ability to care for her son. It’s also possible that Lillian’s mother didn’t show her motherly affection, so she’s completely incapable of expressing those emotions. Lilian has many layers like most people who have violent pasts. They build these personalities that are meant to protect them, but they could end up hurting the people closest to them.
After Lillian’s death, the only way Sherman could cope with all of his mother’s unresolved feelings was to write them down. He comes up with a gripping memoir full of unsettling acts of pain, courage, endurance, and salvation. The memoir is a deep, emotionally moving account that involves pain, anger, maternal love, and responsibility. Family ties require a lot of work for them to flourish. The bond Sherman has with his mother is a complex relationship that goes through the worst tests and comes out even stronger.
