Question thirty-five: do you eat kidneys? Correct answer is (c) occasionally. Testing for food problems. If you ask directly? They say, "I eat anything" and then you find out they're vegetarian.
This quote sums up Don's general difficulty in finding a partner: his hyper-specificity and total inflexibility. That is why he has decided to include such detailed questions on his Wife Project questionnaire. He believes that if he can just find out enough information ahead of time, it will not only weed out potential time-wasters but also enable him to be comfortable in advance because he will feel a sense of control. Most people would say that they eat anything without feeling that they might need to add the one or two things they don't like; Don is not most people, and if there were fifty things he did not like to eat, he would list them all to the person who had asked him what he liked to eat. This is also a quote that shows the irony of his subsequent relationship with Rosie, as she is a vegetarian who only eats sustainable seafood.
Then Rosie opened her bag and pulled out a packet of cigarettes. How can I convey my horror? Smoking is not only unhealthy in itself and dangerous to others in the vicinity, it is a clear indication of an irrational approach to life. There was a good reason for its being the first item on my questionnaire.
Don is anti-smoking. In this regard, he is actually not quite as out of step with society as he is in most other aspects of looking for a mate. This could be a significant deal-breaker for most individuals. However, most people would just say that they preferred a nonsmoker, whereas Don typically elaborates on this preference and draws many conclusions about a person just by the fact that they are a smoker. His statement that it is a clear indication of an irrational approach to life shows his scientific leaning and need to find proofs and conclusions. It also shows one of Don's key values that will eventually be disrupted as a result of his relationship with Rosie: an insistence on behaving in exclusively logical and rational ways. Rosie, like most people, is full of contradictions: she is smart but also capable of occasionally behaving in self-destructive ways. It is only by falling in love with Rosie that Don realizes that he is likewise capable of behaving in irrational ways.
It had never happened to me. No woman had ever casually, unthinkingly, automatically, written down her phone number, given it to me, and said "Call me." I had temporarily been included in a culture that I considered closed to me.
This quote occurs when Rosie first gives Don her phone number. For Rosie, this exchange is relatively insignificant and casual; at this point, she is not thinking of Don in a romantic context at all. To her, he is a curious and eccentric person, and she is mildly intrigued. However, this quotation shows that the exchange of phone numbers is a pivotal moment for Don. Don makes it explicit that something as simple as exchanging phone numbers represents part of an entire system of social and romantic interaction that he has felt excluded from. This moment foreshadows how Don's relationship with Rosie will allow him to participate in a new level of emotional intimacy and engagement. It is also striking that Don uses the word "temporarily": at this point, he assumes that he will only have a fleeting interaction with Rosie, and then they will go their separate ways. Don's assumption that nothing will come from their interactions and that he will return to his solitary and regimented life reveals that he has very little faith in his ability to sustain a friendship or relationship with a new person, especially a woman.
You're saying that I am the person in the faculty most likely to act unconventionally. And you want me to act more conventionally. That seems an unreasonable request to make of a scientist.
Don speaks this quotation to the Dean after she rebukes him for the way he responded to the student who objected to the theory of evolution. While Don is often represented as socially obtuse, he can be quite keenly discerning at moments like these. Because she represents political correctness and guarded diplomacy, the Dean is often indirect in the comments she makes and the requests that she hints at. Don, nonetheless, can see through to the heart of the matter: he is strongly motivated by his sense of ethics and how he thinks the world should be. He knows that other people, including other faculty members, are more likely to align their behavior with social expectations and ideas of what will be rewarding in the long run. In this quotation, Don shows how central the idea of being a scientist is to his identity. He connects it to his need to behave in an objective and rational way at all times, and he sees this as a kind of moral obligation. Don rebukes the Dean for what he sees as being morally weak and driven by a desire to ensure that the institution is profitable, rather than by doing what is right.
Here's a thought for you. Any woman who takes that test is happy to be treated as an object. You can say that's their choice. But if you spent two minutes looking at how much society forces women to think of themselves as objects, you might not think so. What I want to know is, do you want a woman who thinks like that?
Rosie speaks this quotation when she first learns about Don's Wife Project. She is initially angry and frustrated. Her reaction contrasts with Gene and Claudia, both of whom offered gentle critiques but supported Don with his idea. Part of why Rosie is a good influence on Don is because she speaks her mind and openly challenges him. As a woman, Rosie is offended by the way that the Wife Project reduces women to a collection of facts, and she doesn't show any true complexity. Most importantly, in the Project, there is no option for a woman to tell Don what she might want from a partner. The Project reinforces the stereotype that women try to please and accommodate men by conforming to their expectations. Rosie bitterly agrees that there are women who would behave in this way because they are desperate to find a partner and don't truly value themselves. However, she also wants more for Don, which is a sign that she is starting to like and respect him. She wants Don to be with a woman who is worthy of him, and with whom he could build a mutually respectful partnership.
I am perfectly happy to detect, recognize, and analyze emotions. This is a useful skill, and I would like to be better at it. Occasionally an emotion can be enjoyed—the gratitude I felt for my sister who visited me even during the bad times, the primitive feeling of well-being after a glass of wine—but we need to be vigilant that emotions do not cripple us.
Don reflects on this statement after speaking with Claudia, when he is starting to feel overwhelmed and confused by all the time he is devoting to Rosie and to the Father Project. Rationally, Don knows that he should not be so committed to the project, and he is confused by all the new feelings that Rosie is awakening within him. This quotation shows Don's attitude towards emotions in general. As a highly intelligent and observant person, he knows that emotions play a strong role in human behavior and decision-making. He is therefore interested in learning about and analyzing emotions; as a scientist, Don likes to study and get to the root of things. However, Don is inherently cautious about letting emotions guide one's life. He uses strong language ("cripple us") to show how fearful he is of what could happen if he let emotions get out of control.
I believed I did well. I detected the trick question. I wanted Rosie to like me, and I remembered her passionate statement about men treating women like objects. She was testing me to see if I saw her as an object or as a person. Obviously the correct answer was the latter.
"I haven't really noticed," I told the most beautiful woman in the world.
This quotation occurs just after Rosie asks Don if he finds her attractive, and it sets the groundwork for a significant miscommunication in their relationship. It is fairly clear to a reader that by this time, Rosie is beginning to have feelings for Don and is trying to gauge whether he might have feelings for her as well. However, Don's lack of social awareness and tendency to interpret things literally causes miscommunication. He finds Rosie extremely attractive but is worried that she will be offended if he tells her the truth. Don does not have the social acuity to recognize that Rosie sees him differently from how she would view a man who objectifies and trivializes her. Don finds Rosie to be beautiful, but he also respects and likes her. He is very supportive of her goals, such as finding her biological father. When Don gives Rosie the false impression that he does not find her attractive, it leads to confusion between the two of them and delays the two of them realizing that they are both attracted to one another.
So, I don't trust men. I don't believe they're what they say they are. I'm afraid they're going to let me down. That's my summary from seven years of studying psychology.
Rosie speaks this quotation to Don when she explains to him how her damaged relationship with her stepfather has impacted her ability to trust and build romantic relationships. Rosie feels very disappointed by what she sees as a lack of care and attention from Phil. This quotation exemplifies Rosie's frank and sarcastic approach to communication. She is very intelligent and self-aware, and she is able to describe her motivations and patterns of behavior. Part of the reason that Don and Rosie get along well together is that she can explain her emotional processes to him, and he can gain a better understanding. At the same time, Rosie is not always as transparent as she thinks she is. She does not see the logical flaw in assuming that all men will behave in a similar way. Without realizing it, Rosie begins to trust Don because he does not behave in a way that is typical of most men. He is sincere, gentle, and supportive. While Don eventually becomes an object of romantic interest for Rosie, at first it seems like he might be a type of father surrogate.
"If you really love someone," Claudia continued, "you have to be prepared to accept them as they are. Maybe you hope that one day they get a wake-up call and make the changes for their own reasons."
Claudia speaks this quotation when she is explaining to Don her beliefs about how love and relationships should function. The quotation is both revealing and somewhat ironic because Claudia speaks as though she has a deep knowledge of how love should work but is also very unsatisfied in her marriage. Although Claudia urges Don to accept people for who they are, it does not seem like she has truly come to terms with her own husband. Gene is chronically unfaithful, and while Claudia is seemingly tolerant, there are hints throughout the novel (such as when she "accidentally" puts chilies in his sandwich) that she is actually angry and dissatisfied. Claudia hints in this quotation that she hopes that Gene will one day change his behavior of his own accord. The quotation shows that while Don finds romantic interactions confusing, even neurotypical individuals with extensive psychological knowledge also struggle to navigate romantic relationships.
Rosie and I were on our way to New York, where being weird is acceptable. That is a simplification of the rationale: in reality what was important for me was to be able to make a new start with my new skills, new approach, and new partner, without being held back by others' perceptions of me.
Don speaks this quotation late in the novel, once he and Rosie have become a couple. The quotation reflects the completion of his character arc, highlighting the self-acceptance he has gained. Because he has learned that he is worthy of love and capable of being in a happy relationship, Don no longer worries about needing to change. Instead, he seeks out a new environment that is better adapted to his needs, where his unique strengths will be appreciated. The quote shows that by the end of the novel, Don is feeling much more confident and able to take on new challenges. At the start of the story, Don is very fixated on maintaining a regimented routine and controlling all variables in his life. In this quotation, the repetition of the word "new" reinforces how hopeful Don is about trying new things and reimagining his future. Because of Rosie, and the love between them, Don has a whole new perspective on his life.
