Loyalty
Despite the years of abuse he received from his mother, Dave still feels an intense attachment to her and a loyalty to her. This leads him to recant his statements in which he describes the abuse, when he realizes they are going to be used against his mother in court. From time to time, Dave tries to sneak a glimpse of his family and his mother in particular. He is also troubled by the way his brothers appear to despise and reject him. Although his mother tells him (and everyone else who will listen) what a bad and terrible boy Dave is, he still has a strong desire to please her. Later, as Dave finds himself bonding with and loving other people, he sometimes feels as though he is being disloyal to his mother.
Being "good"
The last thing Dave's mother tells him outside the court after he has been made a ward of the state is that he is now getting a second chance at life. He can have a safe and happy life, provided he learns how to be "a good boy. A better boy." Unfortunately, Dave has spent so much of his early life in a fight for survival, being punished for arbitrary and seemingly random transgressions, that he has no idea exactly what being "good" might be. He seeks approval from his fellow foster kids, from social workers, from foster parents, and from peers. But in the process he notices that what pleases one person displeases another. Also, many of the habits he developed to survive his early abusive environment, such as lying and stealing food, are considered "bad" not only by his mother but also by the people he encounters while in foster care. Much of Dave's self-loathing was due to the abuse he suffered. He blames himself for his parents' divorce, and also for the abuse he received as a child. Also, because he revealed "the family secret" of his abuse, he blames himself for the subsequent fallout.
Identity
The first thing Dave tries to reclaim is his name. In order to fully understand why this is important, it is important to note that his mother never used his name. At home, he was called "It", or perhaps "The Boy". Being referred to as "David" by his first foster mother (called "Aunt Mary in the book although some of the names have been changed to protect people's privacy) is one of the things that allows Dave to believe that things are changing now that he is in foster care.
One of the things that Dave craves as an adolescent is attention. He loves it when people call him by his name, because it makes him feel important and valued. Yet much of the book is devoted to his growing concern over who he really is: the "bad" boy who caused all the trouble, the "F-child" despised by so many of the neighbors, or somebody completely different?
Stigma
Dave Pelzer describes a great deal of stigma and prejudice associated with being a foster child or "F-child" as he is sometimes called. People treat him as a troublemaker without actually getting to know him, and this unfortunately feeds into his low self-worth and his ongoing suspicion that he is indeed a bad and defective person.
Near the end of the book, Dave discusses his foster parents in retrospect and praises them highly. Until he was out on his own, he didn't really know how well they had cared for them. But he mentions that foster parents too are regarded with a great deal of suspicion by the press and by the public at large.
Shame
The people in the story who in a just and fair universe would feel ashamed of themselves never really seem to do that. Dave's mother, for example, appears to feel no remorse for what she did to Dave. One of Dave's brothers eventually starts to show signs of enduring abuse similar to what Dave survived. Dave's father appears to be somewhat ashamed of his conduct. After walking out and leaving Dave in the company of his mother, he eventually devoted more and more of his life to the practice of his alcohol addiction. Alcoholism was a contributing factor in the loss of his job as a firefighter, which had been a source of pride to him.
Sadly, the people who feel the most shame in the story are the people who committed no harm. Dave and the other foster kids suffer more than just recurring nightmares in which they relive their abuse: they are consumed by the certainty that they somehow deserved everything that happened to them. One of the reasons Dave craves attention and acceptance is because he's ashamed of some of the habits he developed out of a need to survive. His early abuse has at times made him ashamed to even exist.
