The drama of one's self
Dramatic irony is never more potent than when the content which is obscured from one's self is literally one's own self. The irony is layered. First of all, it is ironic that a person could know something about their self without ever understanding that they know it. It is also ironic that a person should have to work so hard to understand their own psyche and experience. The dramatic irony of one's self is that, without an analog to compare with one's own perception of reality, one is limited to guesswork and a long life of experience to reveal to a person their true character.
Dramatic irony and women's clothing
For Einar, the dramatic irony of self turns into a kind of horrific realization when he first dresses in women's clothing. He does so as a favor to his wife, but when he feels what it is like to wear women's clothing, a mystery long suffered within himself is finally clarified; the aspect of his consciousness that makes him suffer in invisible ways is (and has been) that he has always identified privately as a female. That happens in a subtle way in his dapper, metrosexual personality, but when he puts on his first dress, he knows that deep down this is his true longing.
Portraiture and irony
Greta is a wonderful painter with a long career to look forward to. Her portraiture is a symbolic reminder of a certain irony. Perhaps the irony could be called the irony of rendering representations of a person. Although she does this in painting, it is also a normal, natural part of living life in a community. No one knows each other perfectly well. Her painting is an ironic comment on her skillful experience of people. As she gets to know her husband more and more, she starts painting him as a woman. Now her perception is more accurate to his self-experience.
The irony of gender identity
The irony of gender is so difficult to understand that in the process, people often become seriously embarrassed or made to feel uncomfortable. For a person to say that their psychic experience of self varies that substantially from their public personality performance can be quite jarring for people who do not understand the deep mysteries of psychology. In the novel, Einar is often seriously mistreated in their attempts to transition to their perceived gender, to become Lili. She is often taken as a schizophrenic.
The martyred sufferer
Lili is a martyr of gender identity, and although Ebershoff is specific and clear that his story is a fictional retelling, the story has played out many, many times. Because of the psychological strangeness of gender, and because people who do not feel transgender often have a hard time correctly imagining what a difficult experience that can really be, there is a painful reality for trans people that life will involve a martyrdom where they will witness a particular kind of suffering and injustice. Plus, there is a misogynistic tendency in human history to ostracize, humiliate, or even torture and kill men who are feminine. Einar does not want to be a martyr. Einar wants to be Lili.
