Prince versus Prince
America most certainly does have royal families. They are technically the same as the titled aristocracy of Europe, but they serve the same role: primogeniture. Sons of politicians—and now daughters are starting to enjoy the party—have often risen to heights that would have been denied them were they born with another name. The comparing of the Prince of Wales to the First Son is therefore not quite as off the mark as it may seem:
“The tabloids—the world—decided to cast Alex as the American equivalent of Prince Henry from day one, since the White House Trio is the closest thing America has to royalty. It has never seemed fair. Alex’s image is all charisma and genius and smirking wit, thoughtful interviews and the cover of GQ at eighteen; Henry’s is placid smiles and gentle chivalry and generic charity appearances, a perfectly blank Prince Charming canvas. Henry’s role, Alex thinks, is much easier to play.”
Always a Prince
E-mail communication between the actual Prince and the American version allows the Brit to fully engage the long history of lineage secure in the knowledge that the irony is understood. It is only part of a much longer message, but the imagery here is the sort that every tabloid reporter on either side of the Atlantic would murder their mother to gain access to, knowing it is the stuff of which celebrity reportage dreams are made:
“O, fathers of my bloodline! O, ye kings of olde! Take this crown from me, bury me in my ancestral soil. If only you had known the mighty work of thine loins would be undone by a gay heir who likes it when American boys with chin dimples are mean to him.”
Privilege
The privilege of the non-royal non-aristocratic royal family lines of America is their ultimate power. The need to prove themselves as representatives of the great American experiment in equality never does seem to be something most can let go, however. Even as they present themselves as apple pie, hot dogs and baseball, it is impossible to also not let loose the truth that they are really baked Alaska, oysters Rockefeller and squash:
“I am, and always have been—first, last, and always—a child of America. You raised me. I grew up in the pastures and hills of Texas, but I had been to thirty-four states before I learned how to drive. When I caught the stomach flu in the fifth grade, my mother sent a note to school written on the back of a holiday memo from Vice President Biden. Sorry, sir—we were in a rush, and it was the only paper she had on hand.”
The Inanity of the Aristocracy
While American has repurposed the idea of royal family lines, at least we’ve had the good sense so far—knock wood—not to adopt the ridiculous and absurdly meaningless practice of giving people aristocratic titles. One of the more humorous examples of imagery in the book comes during a discussion among the American royal kids about this topic with one member of the group complaining about having met at least five viscounts without having the slightest idea what the title actually means. Alex offers a comedic possibility that actually makes almost as much sense as the real definition:
“I think it’s that thing when a vampire creates an army of crazed sex waifs and starts his own ruling body.”
