This book is about drugs. The question is about whether a life of drug use can be sustainable, and what the Diarist learns is that some drugs are extremely alluring after being experienced just once, so she ends up in spirals of addiction that she could never have imagined. Her experience of regular reality is so far removed from other people's that she struggles to explain her sublimed experience, and she is regularly treated with caution, because her drug habits are so extreme that the odds of relapsing are nearly certain.
Her decision to become a drug counselor represents her decision that drugs are not okay, not even a little bit. She is willing to give her life to prove it, but the truth is, she already did. Her experience of LSD is particularly insightful. The qualities of that drug to take her on a metaphysical trip into the depths of her unconscious—at first they are revelatory and lovely, but after a while, the chronic drain of the drug is clear. She realizes that she needs to stop because her mind is sustaining damage.
When she is drugged by Jan, she spirals into a bad trip that leaves her wracked by panic and abstract suffering that verges on the demonic. This is only one bad trip of thousands. In real life, her bad trips include prostitution for drugs. Her hippy ways lead her accidentally to addictive drugs that make her life worse that she could have ever anticipated. Also, her enjoyment of drugs comes at the expense of her responsibility, and she slowly sells her soul to these escapist habits. This novel should probably not be used as actual education about drug experiences, but it is insightful nevertheless. When all drugs are demonized equally, one can get a false sense of security about drugs from a few drug experiences.
