Long Trek, Little Gain
“The Cow” features the story of Miss Milky Daisy who grows wings and learns to fly. Quite a sight, everyone will tell you. There is one horrid little man who travels from Afghanistan, however, who isn’t impressed. He makes that long trip just to tell everyone that he thinks Daisy is absolutely crazy and for his efforts, he gets an ironic reward:
“She got to sixty miles an hour…
…And dropped a cowpat on his head.”
“The Pig”
The title character here undergoes an existential crisis. He is a very clever pig, you see, but cleverness brings on the need to understand one’s meaning in the world. That meaning comes to the pig in a moment of cruel realization that in a world run by humans his existence is basically of meat. Irony is delivered in the form of a can used to carry pigswill being bashed upside the head of the Farmer Bland who becomes meat for the newly self-actualized porcine philosopher.
The Aunt-Eater
Roy is a rotten little boy in the Bay Area who is so spoiled his parents bring an anteater to San Francisco for their to keep as a pet. But Roy is, well, a jerk and does nothing to alleviate the problem of the dearth of ants available upon which the animal can subsist. Ironically, around this time, Roy receives a visit from Aunt Dorothy and when his near-starving pet begs for food, Roy makes the big mistake of introducing Dorothy as hit Aunt (with the American pronunciation rather than the proper British one rhyming with “haunt” prominently featured as part of the story.)
A Literal Metaphor
"The Tummy Beast" is the story of an overweight little boy who asks his mother “Who is hit person in my tummy?” He then proceeds to describe what the mother logically interprets as a metaphorical (made-up) creature that the boy has invented to provide cover for his own gluttony. The reader may tempted to believe the same thing as the mother although she makes it difficult by being a truly horrible person. She refers to her own son as “horrid” and calls him “fat.” Even so, her perspective does make more sense than to believe the boy is telling the truth. Which is why the ending proves ironic when it is revealed that the metaphorical tummy beast is actually quite literal.
The Revenge of Stingaling
This poem begins benignly enough with the narrator providing some quite comforting words to any young child reader who may be lying in bed somewhere in England as their mother or father reads them this book at bedtime.
“You ought to thank your lucky star
That here in England where you are
You’ll never find (or so it’s said)
A scorpion inside your bed.”
Things turn darkly ironic pretty quickly as the child in the story being read the poem by their mummy begins frantically crying out:
“There’s something moving on my feet,
Something horrid creepy crawling thing,
D’you think it could be Stingaling?”
By the time the poem ends, it is pretty clear that either the child in the poem doesn’t live in England or the narrator is full of bunk.
