Prime Minister Michael Callow
Prime Minister Callow is the protagonist of the episode. Although his political party is never explicitly stated, his blue tie hints at his Tory affiliation. Flabbergasted by the surreal demand that he have sex with a pig on live television, Callow juggles the pressures of his staff, the public, the queen, and his wife, all of whom have different opinions about whether he should fulfill the kidnapper's ransom. Callow shows relief when he learns from Tom that the public will not hold him responsible if the kidnapper kills the princess. However, the public mood shifts because of the home secretary's faked-footage blunder. When the home secretary insinuates that she cannot guarantee the safety of Callow of his family, Callow reluctantly goes through with the act of bestiality. Despite 1.3 billion people tuning in to witness his humiliation, Callow receives higher-than-ever approval ratings one year following the broadcast. However, in exchange, he has lost the respect of his wife, Jane.
Princess Susannah
Princess Susannah is the kidnapping victim at the center of the episode. A member of the royal family much beloved by the public, Susannah is kidnapped by Carlton Bloom as she returns from a friend's wedding. Public sentiment in favor of fulfilling the kidnapper's demands increases greatly when Bloom releases a video of him ostensibly cutting off Susannah's finger. Bloom releases Susannah, woozy and sedated, on the streets of central London thirty minutes prior to the 4 p.m. broadcast. Because no one is on the streets, Susannah stumbles around in a daze, eventually collapsing in the center of the Millennium Bridge. Police find her and declare that she is unharmed. One year later, Susannah appears at a red carpet event with her husband; she is expecting her first child.
Home Secretary Alex Cairns
Alex Cairns is the home secretary, head of the Home Office and one of the most senior and influential UK government ministers. Going behind the prime minister's back, Cairns explores contingency plans, asking Special Agent Callett to spearhead an attempt at faking footage in defiance of the kidnapper's specifications. Callow nearly strangles Cairns when he learns of her plan, which backfires and becomes public knowledge. Cairns is instrumental in making Callow go through with the broadcast, stating that she cannot guarantee Callow's or his family's safety if he doesn't comply.
Special Agent Callett
Special Agent Callett is an MI6 agent who the home secretary tasks with faking footage of the prime minister having sex with a pig. Despite the absurdity of what he is orchestrating, Callett is completely humorless as he makes arrangements.
Malaika
Malaika is a UKN journalist. Desperate to get a scoop on the kidnapping story, Malaika sends nude photos to a No. 10 staffer in exchange for top-secret information about the kidnapper's suspected hideout. Filming from her cellphone, Malaika captures the raid on the decoy mannequin and then runs from police, getting shot in the leg.
Jane Callow
Jane is Prime Minister Michael Callow's wife. Upon learning of the bizarre ransom, Jane gets angry and upset with her husband, who tries to insist that he won't go through with it. Jane becomes even more distraught when she reads YouTube comments in which the public makes fun of her husband. Callow ignores Jane's calls when he is on his way to the TV studio; he doesn't pick up following the broadcast either. At the end of the episode, Jane evidently resents her husband for demeaning himself, but she continues to perform her role as the prime minister's wife for the media.
Carlton Bloom
Carlton Bloom is the man who kidnaps Princess Susannah. A visual artist who has won the acclaimed Turner Prize, Bloom orchestrates the kidnapping and bizarre ransom only to release Susannah thirty minutes before the 4 p.m. deadline. While watching footage of the Prime Minister, Bloom hangs himself in his art studio. Bloom's motivations are unclear. Cairns interprets his actions as a statement about humanity's twisted desire for humiliation, while an uncredited art critic controversially calls the kidnapping scandal the first great artwork of the 21st century.
Tom Blice
Tom Blice is a member of Callow's staff. The political operative pays close attention to public opinion polls regarding the kidnapping scandal. When no one can overhear them, Tom confides to Callow that the public will not hold him responsible for Susannah's death if the kidnapper kills her. However, Tom later tells Callow that public sentiment has shifted following the revelation that the government was planning to fake the footage.
Julian Hereford
Julian Hereford is an older aide to Prime Minister Callow. Julian is prominent in Part One when he delivers the unfortunate news that the ransom video has been proliferating online faster than the government can censor it. Realizing they are entering unprecedented territory, Julian tells Callow that there is no "playbook" for how to handle the terrorist.
Rod Senseless
Rod Senseless is an adult film star. Special Agent Callett hires Senseless to perform in the prime minister's place while wearing a green-screen sock over his head so that Callow's face can be substituted over Senseless's. However, when a fan snaps a photo of Senseless as he enters the TV studio and posts it to Twitter, the Internet "hive mind" realizes the government is trying to fake the footage.
