The Consequences of a Childhood Disease
At nine years of age, Lucy loses half her jaw to Ewing's sarcoma. In the early stages of the disease and treatment, she does not understand the significance or the implications of her condition. After more than two years of surgeries, radiation treatment and intensive chemotherapy, she realizes the catastrophic impact of the illness and disfigurement. She undergoes a series of reconstructive surgeries. Unfortunately, the skin grafts fail and leave her face permanently disfigured. As she endures the consequences of malignancy since childhood, she cannot imagine a life 'outside the jurisdiction of cancer.'
The Impact of Bullying and Harassment
The book describes the psychological implications of an ailment. Lucy’s condition makes her a target for bullying and harassment. Her schoolmates tease her relentlessly about her altered appearance. The self-conscious teenager realizes that her looks isolate her from the rest of the world. The narrative incorporates several childhood events. She recounts how some boys used her to mock another boy, by calling her his girlfriend. Her awareness of people staring at her face, her attempts to hide her face with her hair, and a feeling of joy on Halloween, when she could mask her face are heart-wrenching. The constant insults are so harrowing that she finds her stay at the hospital as a relief. At least she gets to skip the taunts that way.
The Impact of Disease on Relationships
Lucy belongs to an Irish immigrant family that copes with displacement. They face economic difficulties too. Lucy’s father seems indifferent to her condition. Perhaps, it is a means to deal with the situation. Lucy's mother raises five children, battles depression, and endures the agony of Lucy's illness. She teaches Lucy to 'be brave' and 'not to cry.' Lucy soon realizes the need to suppress her grief for the sake of her mother's wellbeing. She blames herself for her mother's depression, the family arguments, and the financial woes. She prefers the hospital to home because the hospital staff and patients expect nothing from her. Lucy’s love for animals, especially horses is an attempt to fill the void of relationships in her life. Later, in college, she longs for a romantic relationship. She has several affairs to reassure herself that she is worthy of love despite her appearance.
The Complex Relationship between Beauty and Self Esteem
As Lucy recounts her confrontation with pain, anxiety, and depression, she realizes that more than her illness, it is her appearance that undermines her confidence. She considers 'feeling ugly' as the 'great tragedy of life.' The ailment itself seems trivial in comparison. The emotional turmoil of life with a disfigured face exceeds the trials of suffering and hospitalization. She wishes that people would not stare at her face and yet, she longs for people to see her without pity or disgust. She finds it hard to cope with a world that equates value and beauty. She laments over the bitter truth that how we feel about ourselves is interlaced with the way we look. Unfortunately, we allow other people’s perceptions to estimate our self-worth.
The Search for Identity
Lucy realizes the futility of looking into the mirror. She decides to redefine society's perception of beauty and happiness. She rebuilds her life with a remarkable combination of stoicism, wit, and dignity. Her literary prowess enables her to define her identity. The importance of her appearance fades, and the memoir transcends the narrative of disfigurement and cultural oppression to become a story of determination and self-acceptance.
