Purple Mike Mintz

There are many things in life I could do without: mosquitoes, watermelon seeds, telemarketers, bad weather, cars that won't start, cold swimming pools, traffic lights, stuffy noses, people who disagree with me, and movies that look good until fifteen minutes after I've handed over my money. On the other hand, without the color purple, life would be utterly meaningless.

Most people don't realize how significant the color purple is. Some even deny that it is in fact a color, claiming that "violet" is more politically correct in these troubled times. The important thing is, however, that the world would not be remotely the same without purple.

Food, as always, is of utmost importance. Now, purple isn't a color I often see on my plate, but I would certainly be disappointed if all of the purple food disappeared. Where would we be without purple grapes? Certainly not where we are today. Sure, there would still be green grapes and red grapes (and whichever other color grapes those fruit husbandmen have conceived), but life is really all about the purple grapes. People would be so depressed if they were unable to have purple grapes that they would stop going grocery shopping altogether. Stores would go out of...