Summary
The novel begins with Bug talking about the death of his uncle Roderick. He says that while their home has always been haunted, it is now haunted in a more tangible way, by grief. He describes the way Roderick's remaining belongings make his absence more conspicuous. Things like his boots, jar of okra, or old magazines only remind Bug and his mother that he is gone from their lives forever. Bug says he is partial to regular ghosts.
Bug says that when Roderick dies he awakens in the middle of night. He walks up the stairs to see if he's in his room but hears nothing. He returns to bed and tries to go back to sleep. The phone rings and Bug's mother answers it. She learns that Roderick has died and Bug can tell from how she is talking what has happened. Bug is overwhelmed by this information, as his brain cannot comprehend the vastness of this loss. His mother says she loved Bug very much and Bug says he knows. He is uncertain of what is supposed to happen next.
Bug and his mother hold a wake for Roderick and a number of people come to share their condolences. Bug receives some comforting hugs and shoulder pats, but he says he dislikes them. People talk about what a shame it is that Roderick died so young, at thirty-two, especially after Bug's mother lost her husband years earlier in a car accident. Bug looks across the room and sees his uncle's ex-boyfriend Tobias. He smiles at him sadly.
Bug goes to the kitchen and accidentally rips his dress. He sees his reflection in a glass and is unnerved by the face staring back at him. He says it does not feel like his own. He yelps and drops the glass. His friend Moira comes in to try and see what's wrong. He says it's nothing, but informs the reader that this actually happens to him a lot. Moira asks him about his dress and they talk for a little while. Moira says she is sorry for Bug's loss. Bug begins washing dishes, an activity he says he takes great comfort in.
Some people stick around after the wake and Bug avoids them by doing housework. He gives backstory about his mother and Roderick having lived in Brooklyn for most of their lives and then deciding to move to Vermont after taking a trip there and falling in love with the place. Bug makes himself tea and says that it's something his uncle used to do for him all the time. His mother thanks him for being so helpful over the past few days.
Bug's mother tells him that her business is not doing very well and that they are running low on money. She says that this, coupled with Roderick's medical expenses, really put a squeeze on things. As a result, she says, Bug won't be able to go to camp this summer. Bug is upset by this news but doesn't want to show it, as he knows his mother is having a very difficult time managing everything. He recalled a time when his uncle showed him how to change a tire.
Bug tries to go to sleep early but is awoken by an unsettling chill in his room. He squints and sees a dark figure in his room. He holds his breath, terrified. He flips on the light and discovers that nothing is there. He says that in the past he would have run to his uncle after an encounter like this. He says that this encounter felt unnervingly real. He has trouble sleeping and tries to convince himself later that it was all just a dream.
Analysis
Grief is one of the main themes of this first section of the novel. The story begins with the death of Bug's uncle, as he tries to deal with the aftereffects of loss. He describes the way in which he has seen various supernatural things in his house over the years, but none of them are as frightening or unsettling as the very real grief he is experiencing now. He repeatedly mentions the fact that small reminders of his uncle make his death more real. He talks about how the fact that he doesn't hear his voice, or how jars of okra go uneaten, make him feel even more empty and lonely. The novel shows how grief is not so much about dramatic breakdowns, as it is about waves of mourning. Bug experiences these most acutely when he is struck by a memory of his uncle and then suddenly forced to notice how things have been irrevocably changed.
Gender identity is another key part of this section of the book. During the wake, Bug is uncomfortable with the dress he is wearing and feels that it does not suit him. He sees his reflection in the kitchen and says that it frightens him, as it resembles his face but isn't actually him. He says that he often has moments like this, where his face appears in the mirror but he just feels like it isn't actually his face. Taken together, these seemingly minor moments work to show how Bug is uncomfortable with his gender identity as a girl and feels that there is a distance between how he is perceived and what he actually is at heart. This is the first indication that the reader gets of the fact that Bug is transgender. The novel effectively frames this feeling by showing how viscerally he experiences this disconnect.
Sexuality is another important part of these chapters, as there is mention of Roderick being gay. One of Roderick's ex-boyfriends attends the wake and Bug recalls that their relationship was a happy one. In the same way, Bug mentions their relationship in a very commonplace way, indicating that this kind of relationship was normal in their household. The reason for their breakup is that Roderick did not want kids, while Tobias did. This indicates the kind of accepting home that Bug grew up in. Roderick's sexuality is portrayed as both commonplace and very loving and affectionate.
Haunting is another prominent motif in the novel. At the beginning of the book, Bug says that their house has been haunted for a long time, but he notes that now the spectral presence in it feels new and unsettling. Likewise, he notes that his own reflection often frightens him, as the face in the mirror is not his. These things unsettle him not because they are inexplicable but because they point to what Bug is suffering from. In this way, the supernatural elements of the book are reflective of Bug’s lingering grief and the unresolved aspects of his identity.
These early pages indicate the lack of resolution in Bug’s life. He is haunted by grief, constantly coming across the remnants of his uncle who he has just lost. At the same time, he feels uncomfortable with his gender identity but cannot articulate exactly what is wrong. He has models of love and acceptance in his home with his uncle and mother, but his uncle is dead and his mother is grieving and distressed by financial problems. Bug, as the reader sees him, encounters these real and supernatural problems all at once, and is overwhelmed.
