Christmas Trees
Every aspect of the Christmas season comes under the ironic microscope of the author. Each section is devoted to a different aspect and the imagery of one of the most beloved icons of the holiday offers insight into the tone of this entire slim volume. “There is something ghastly about a tree—its look of many-limbed paralysis, its shaggy and conscienceless aplomb—encountered in the open, let along the living room.” This portrait captures the essence of the weirdness of the whole Christmas tree concept. Were it not ritualistic faith-based observance, it is hard to imagine convincing millions to bring a tree into their house once a year just to watch it slowly die before their eyes.
Santa
Santa Claus is, of course, the central icon of the secular celebration of Christmas. Needless to say, he comes in for an ironic reinterpretation as well. “A man of no plausible address, with no apparent source for his considerable wealth, comes down the chimney after midnight while decent, law-abiding citizens are snug in their beds—is not, at the least, cause for alarm?” This deconstruction of Santa Claus is comical, certainly, but it also points how many things taken on faith tend to fall apart under scrutiny. The same approach could easily be taken to the story of the central icon of the non-secular celebration of Christmas.
Christmas Shopping
By this point in the book—Chapter 5—some readers may be comparing the author to the Grinch if not to Scrooge. He seems to hate the whole Christmas season. Unlike the Grinch, he is not shy about expressing his reason. Shopping for gifts, for instance, which in the author’s experience “Leads to dizziness…foot fractures on speeded-up escalators, thumb and wrist sprain in the course of package manipulation, eye and facial injuries in carton-crowded buses, and fluttering sensations of disorientation and imminent impoverishment.” This narrative was originally published in 1993 and Christmas shopping has changed quite a bit since then. The reference to escalators and buses almost seems on the verge of being archaic today, but all but those gift-wrapping savants among us can still relate to the imagery of the association of pain with packaging.
Tinsel
It has been noted that there are two types of people when it comes to Christmas tree decorations. Those who adorn with tinsel and those who do not. Imagery suggests that the author belongs to the former, but only to have something else to gripe about. “Even the tinsel tingles this year. Isn’t it somehow terrible, the way the shed tinsel shivers in the gloomy ice-clogged gutters?” Oddly enough, this reference to the tinsel of Christmas trees discarded onto the curb appears in a chapter titled “Electrocution” which explains the bizarre description of tinsel tingling. Well, in theory it helps to explain it. This is the one point in the book in which the author seems to be straining just a little to fit his ironic tone to the topic at hand.
