"You will know how to forgive me the lack of order in this narrative. Following the footsteps of the people involved rather than the order of events, I jump from beginning to end and from the end back to the beginning. Like a grasshopper being swatted. But I can't seem to do it any other way. I tell the story as it comes to me and don't stop to make a novel of it."
In his address to the pharmacist, Pascual includes this apology. He understands that the contents of his letter compose enough material for a book but are not ordered. Clearly he is writing for his own sake, as if compelled to record the events of his life in order to move past them. The nature of his memoir is more personal than the premise of his letter to the pharmacist.
"I could breathe . . ."
After finally carrying out the premeditated murder of his mother, Pascual describes a weight being lifted. He believes that he has freed himself from ill fate at last, attributing all of his former suffering to her influence on his life. As his statement reflects, Pascual demonstrates no remorse for the murder.
"The inhabitants of the cities live with their backs to the truth."
Living in Madrid, Pascual is unimpressed by the culture of the big city. He grew up in a rural environment where work, family, and frankness are valued, but in Madrid the people care little about these things. Pascual observes how they live in immaterial, constructed daydreams, not rooted in the reality of their situation. Most importantly, as the above quotation notes, they know nothing about rural life, preferring to pretend it does not exist.
"I am not, sir, a bad person, though in all truth I am not lacking in reasons for being one."
At the beginning of his letter tot he pharmacist, Pascual clarifies his intentions. He does not want the pharmacist to believe he -- Pascual -- is simply a bad person, rather that he has been compelled by misfortune. Consistent with his self-narration throughout the rest of the book, Pascual here refuses to accept responsibility for his actions. He believes that he is a victim of circumstances and justifies his violence as necessary in response to the extreme suffering of his life.
