What the hell is wrong with me?
It is both Christmas and a rare occasion when all members of the family gather together under the same roof. Alice is struggling to cook a pudding, which she makes “every Christmas since she was a young girl”. A simple recipe seems to be the most difficult task in her life. Anger fills every cell of her body, when she understands that she can’t cook it. She asks herself “what the hell is wrong with me”, but can’t find an answer. This picture shows how terrible it is to forget the things you used to know or used to be able to do. It is both the most frightful and heart-breaking moment. Alice starts understanding that it is how the things are going to be and can’t do anything to change it.
There is never going to be a good time to do this.
Anna has a good career; she is young and in love with a decent man, who became her husband. It is a picture of an ideal life for millions of people, but not for Anna. She wants to be a mother, have children and not to postpone this opportunity. When Alice says that Anna can wait, for she is still young, Ann answers that “there is never going to be a good time”. Later on, Alice realizes how true these words are. Her Alzheimer’s comes when she is full of life, dreams and strengths. In an attack of desperateness she says that she doesn’t “have time for Alzheimer’s today” and realizes how valuable time is. Alice’s story shows that there is no need to wait for “a good time to do” something important or valuable. There is never going to be a good time to fulfill one’s dreams.
I cannot believe that I won’t be able to do this one day.
Alice’s life is all about books, conferences, research, and students. She studies “mechanisms of language” and “mental processes” which are related to an ability to speak. Ironically enough, Alzheimer’s takes it away from Alice. She, a person who could explain the most difficult mechanisms of human’s language, starts losing her ability to think. This is not a comforting thought at all. More often than not, while reading or writing, she thinks that she “cannot believe that I won’t be able to do this one day”. This is a tragedy that she must face.
I’m losing my yesterdays.
One can hardly realize how important past is. We may not recollect the past every day, but it is nice to know that we are able to do it. When Alice starts “losing yesterday”, she loses her memories of her dear mother and sister, children, students and, of course, herself. Losing one’s yesterday is losing one’s identity.
