“Lester’s almost twenty and catches on quick.”
The book opens with Alice detailing a series of unpleasant events that characterized her first day in seventh grade. Upon returning home later in the day, her father inquires how things went to which she replies he should make further inquires the following day. In response to this Lester, her brother, casually remarks, “That bad, huh?” Alice’s summing up of Lester’s intellectual capacity is ironic. He’s no dummy.
Nudity
Middle school P.E. class means changing into gym clothes, a shower, and changing back into class clothes. Since this middle school goes from seventh to ninth grade, this means that puberty has taken effect on most of the older girls. This means that for the first time in her life, Alice sees a naked pair of female breasts. American society presupposes that girls can see other girls naked and boys can see other boys naked without it causing irreparable damage of some sort, but crossing the twain should be put off as long as possible. This turns out to be ironic since Alice later reveals to her friends that long before she saw her first pair of bare breasts, she’d accidentally caught glimpses of her father and brother in various stages of nudity.
Aunt Sally’s Breasts
Alice’s brother Lester is hanging on every word of Alice’s dinnertime conversation covering her experience in the girls’ locker room. Her father is a bit more rational about things as he first suggests that Alice was breastfed by her mother (who has since died) and the wonders aloud whether she hadn’t at some time accidentally come across her Aunt Sally topless. Alice response with an example of snarky irony:
“Are you kidding? Aunt Sally wears vinyl siding for a bathrobe!”
The Seventh Thing
The first week of school, Alice compiles a list of the worst and best things about seventh grade. Number seven is being in Mr. Hensley’s because it is the only one she has with the boy who gave Alice her first kiss over the summer, Patrick. They even spend day one sitting together in the back of class until “Horse-Breath” Hensley announces a radical new alphabetized seating plan and she finds herself in a place that her last name—McKinley—ever found her sitting in: the front row. The two best and worst things about her new grade suddenly become an ironic hot mess
“The seventh best thing about seventh grade turned out to be the worst of all.”
Alice the Likable and the Great Hater
Alice goes into seventh grade with a plan and a goal. The goal is to become the most likable student in the school: Alice the Likable. As often happens when making goals, the plan doesn’t necessarily work out as foreseen. Alice meets up with a bully and her minions and even temporarily becomes unlike by her two best friends. But fate has a much greater irony in store for Alice. Perhaps for daring to think that she could exert any control over her own destiny:
“Elizabeth said that everything that happens to us is part of God’s plan for the universe. I said that God must have a terrific sense of humor, but I still didn’t know why I was the girl that Denise Whitlock most liked to kick around. I didn’t think God could hate me that much.”
