Femininity
Femininity is an important theme in the novel because Ani is obsessed with portraying the perfect woman: because she is very intelligent, she understands that society creates standards that are virtually impossible for women to uphold, and that men are typically not held to the same standards. For example, Ani understands the social standards of femininity require a woman to be extremely slender, beautiful, and well-groomed, but also to seem relaxed, fun, and carefree. Ani tries to maintain these standards of femininity, but can also be venomous towards other women who are less successful than her; she sees femininity as a type of competition. Ani grows increasingly bitter and resentful towards the expectations of femininity that are imposed on her, but she also clings to them because she thinks they will keep her safe. For a long time, Ani misunderstands her rape as a result of her failing to live up to standards and expectations, and thinks that if she can conform to social expectations, she will finally feel safe and secure.
Wealth and Social Class
Ani is clear from the beginning that Luke's wealth and high social status are important factors in her decision to marry him. Ani is personally ambitious, and wants to progress in her field, but she also accepts that she will never be able to achieve the levels of wealth that she could access by marrying Luke. Ani also knows that income is not the same as the prestige that comes with generational wealth and a family pedigree; by marrying Luke, she is moving into a different social bracket. Ani carries a lot of shame from growing up in a middle-class family where her parents did not have refined taste or an understanding of the social mannerisms associated with the upper classes. She wants to escape her entire identity by marrying and adopting a new one, and this escape is appealing because her previous identity is so tainted by trauma and shame.
Alienation and Isolation
The novel shows that alienation and isolation are powerful forces that can have destructive consequences. Both Arthur and Ben become obsessed with violence because they are excluded and bullied by the other students. While Ani would never have gone to the same extents that they did, she also became cruel and interested in revenge after she was taunted and socially isolated. These events show that almost anyone can become warped by vengeful feelings when they are treated as outcasts. Ani's feelings of being isolated and excluded never change for the remainder of her life, and she becomes more and more fixated on beauty and social success so that she can try to feel some sense of acceptance.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a key theme in the novel because characters do terrible things, raising questions of what is and is not forgivable. Ani receives implicit pressure to forgive the boys who raped her because other characters minimize what happened to her and imply that she was partially at fault. After two of the boys who raped her are killed in the attack at the Bradley School, there is also more pressure to forgive them and never reveal what happened to her. Ani has to grapple with conflicting emotions that she can feel sorry for their deaths, but also hold them accountable for what they did to her. Ani is also explicitly pressured to forgive Dean on camera during the filming of the documentary because he sees this forgiveness as something strategic and transactional. Ironically, Dean's offer leads Ani to decide that she is not going to try to forgive him: instead, she takes the bold step of finally revealing her true story to the world.
Masculine Entitlement
Ani repeatedly encounters boys and men who are very entitled do not seem to consider the humanity of other people (especially girls and women). When Dean, Peyton, and Liam rape Ani at a party, they do not think they are doing anything wrong because they think that she put herself in this situation by agreeing to come to the party and drink alcohol. They think that Ani exists merely for their enjoyment, and do not care how she feels. Later, in more subtle ways, Ani will see Luke and his friends display similar forms of entitlement. As wealthy, privileged white men, Luke and his friends and family have a lot of power, and they assume they have that power because they deserve it. By discussing his political beliefs and gradually revealing his lack of respect for Ani and her experiences, Luke shows that he is not very different from Dean and the others.
Appearances versus Reality
Ani is someone who is seduced by how things appear on the surface, and as she grows and develops as a character, she becomes more able to discern the difference between appearance and reality. As a young teenager, Ani has a transformational moment where she sees a beautiful and seemingly successful woman on the streets of New York City and decides that this is the identity she wants to build for herself. All of her future actions become oriented towards this goal, including deciding who she is going to marry. Ani does not initially realize that the woman's beautiful and poised exterior did not reveal anything about whether or not she was truly happy. Ani's obsession with how she appears to other people, especially Luke, gradually erodes her sense of identity, and she eventually realizes that she wants to be her authentic self more than have a perfect exterior life.
Violence
Violence is a dominant theme in the novel because the brutal attack at the Bradley School leaves many survivors physically and emotionally scarred. While the actual events of the attack are only described fairly late in the novel, there is a lot of tension and foreshadowing to build up to the trauma of the violence. Because Ani retrospectively narrates the events that took place when she was a teenager, readers are able to see the legacy of what the violence has done to her: she is constantly afraid that something is terrible is going to happen to her and that a situation will escalate out of control. Readers also see a juxtaposition between two different types of violence, and the way that people perceive them: the attack at the school is very public, and receives a lot of attention and sympathy, whereas the sexual violence that Ani experiences is kept secret and treated as something shameful.
