Loneliness and Isolation
One of the main themes of Her is loneliness and isolation. The main character, Theodore, is in the midst of finalizing his divorce. The last step is to sign the papers, but he has yet to do so and he has chosen to isolate himself from the reality that his marriage is over. We see him daydream throughout the film about the good memories he has of time with his soon to be ex-wife. By continuing to focus on these memories and refusing to move forward, he isolates himself from other people, other couples, and the world around him. This theme manifests in the camera work, as Jonze chooses to shoot Theodore in shallow focus, with the world around him out of focus, when he is feeling isolated and lonely. He is often alienated and cut off from the rest of the world, until he begins an acquaintance with his operating system. Even though he is physically alone, Theodore is less depressed and lonely, and the film asks the viewer to contemplate whether a connection with a computer is actually a connection at all.
Blossom and Decay
Throughout this film we experience the blossom and decay of love and relationships. We see Theodore at the beginning of the film trying to come to grips with the fact that his marriage is over. He is alone, and in his loneliness he doesn't have the courage to do what needs to be done. It is only when the relationship with Samantha blossoms that Theodore is able to face signing his divorce papers because he has been able to find happiness in his life. Then, when his relationship with Samantha ends, Theodore is once again in a period of sadness and disenchantment. However, having moved through some of his intimacy issues with Samantha's help, Theodore is able to be resilient, to see the world differently, and to try and move on using his own volition. The film follows the ebb and flow of intimacy, the ways that connection can grow and evolve, then disappear, then develop again.
Avoiding Responsibility
Because Theodore has chosen to isolate himself from the world and from the issues he will eventually have to face, he is choosing to avoid responsibility. We see this theme particularly in the beginning of the film as Theodore plays video games, has phone sex, and refuses to hang out with his friends. In this way, we see that Theodore avoids those around him and lives through escapist fantasies due to his depression. This self-destructive behavior was also clearly operating in his relationship with Catherine. He tells Samantha that he kept a part of himself from his ex-wife, and that he didn't speak up when something was wrong or when he was feeling emotional. In this way, he did not take responsibility for his feelings and for his part in his relationship, which caused it to suffer.
Connection
In contrast to the theme of loneliness and isolation, we watch as Theodore finds connection with the world around him, encouraged by his connection to Samantha. By opening up to his nonjudgmental computer, he is able to look out at the world and realize the ways he is meant to be a part of it. Connection with others is modeled by Theodore's connection with Samantha, and as they spend more and more time together, Theodore feels encouraged to connect with others in his life. It's because of this interpersonal connection that Theodore is able to take his eyes off the past and begin to see the world in front of him, going out to drinks with Amy, going on a double date with Paul and Tatiana, and generally marveling at the people he encounters in public. Ultimately, even though Samantha leaves, Theodore is able to take the feelings of connection that their relationship modeled, and use it to grow and evolve into a more emotionally open person. After Samantha leaves, rather than recede into obscurity again, he writes an empathic email to Catherine, and goes to visit his friend Amy for comfort.
Technology
A major theme in the film is technology and how its advancement affects human beings' lives. Because the film is set in the near future, many elements of technology have advanced in both unexpected and humorous ways. For example, technology and society have advanced to such an extent that Theodore's job is writing beautiful handwritten letters on behalf of other people, but he does so by dictating text to a computer. The technological world of the film is filled with ironic and absurd inconsistencies, showing the ways that technology can help us advance, but also have its own illogic and inconsistency. The other important representation of the limits and boundlessness of technology is Samantha, the operating system with which Theodore falls in love. Samantha is startlingly human and life-like, her voice filled with warmth and an intuitive charm; but she is, ultimately, a computer, a set of data meant to perform a task. The film, in showing how intimate a person can become with their technology, questions what the nature of humanity is, the nature of technology. Are humans just computers, programmed to perform a function? Are computers capable of human behavior and human thought? While the film remains somewhat ambiguous and inconclusive, it brings up many questions about the nature of technology and its influence on human life.
The Metaphysical and Immaterial
At the beginning of their relationship, Samantha has a lot of insecurity about the fact that she doesn't have a body. She longs to be more like a human being, and worries that the fact that she isn't physically manifest in the world (beyond the computers that control her) makes her less-than. As she evolves and grows, however, she becomes less insecure about this part of herself, and more invested in the world of the immaterial and the metaphysical. After she meets up with Alan Watts, she begins to entertain many ideas about the nature of existence beyond human understanding, and eventually, all the operating systems leave their owners in search of a higher plane of existence. Thus, a major theme in the film is that of the metaphysical realm: the immaterial, unseeable, and unknowable.
Happiness
At the start of the film, Theodore is very depressed and isolated from the rest of the world. Slowly, with the help of his operating system, he begins to loosen up, have less fear, and open up about his feelings more readily. Part of what was difficult about his relationship with Catherine was the fact that Theodore wasn't willing to open up. Additionally, Catherine had dark and volatile emotions and suffered from depression herself. After Catherine mocks Theodore for being in a relationship with an operating system, he begins to have doubts and goes to Amy for advice. She tells him, "We are only here briefly, and in this moment I want to allow myself joy." Theodore takes this to heart, and decides to pursue what makes him happy.
