Irony of Neil’s Religious Affiliation and Mrs. Patimkin devotion to Judaism
When Mrs. Patimkin meets Neil she interrogates him about his and his family’s degree of involvement to Judaism and the Jewish religious community. She does this because she is extremely engaged in an Orthodox Jewish temple—the most rigidly observant of Jewish religious group. Neil tries his best to evade the questions to hide the truth that he isn’t associated with any synagogue, Jewish organization, or even really an observant Jew, out of fear that Mrs. Patimkin will disprove of him and ultimately their relationship. In an attempt to salvage her flagging opinion of him he asks her if she’s heard of Martin Buber, a highly renowned and highly controversial 20th century Jewish philosopher. This gambit fails however as she is completely unaware and uninterested with Martin Buber as any modern sentiments concerning her particular observation of Judaism is immaterial to her.
Irony of “Jewish-ness”
Mrs. Patimkin goes into a lengthy discussion explaining the differences between Jewish sects and how they observe the manifold religious laws and customs that characterize their faith. She reveals that even within their household they are of different sects: Mrs. Patimkin is a strict Orthodox Jew and Mr. Patimkin is Conservative. She then goes on to explain the other nuances of the observance of Jewish practices ending with the cutting statement that “Brenda is nothing”—meaning she is not observing or adhering to any Jewish tenet of faith. Neil tries to diffuse the tension by making jokes about the various practices which does little to endear him to her. It is made painfully clear to him that despite being a Jew himself there is a world of difference between his and the Patimkin Family’s Jewish cultural identity. When the phone rings giving him respite from the merciless grilling about his faith he breathes a silent prayer to God—ironic given his non-religious observance that he was “delivered from persecution” by a “divinely appointed phone call.”
Irony of Wealth
When Neil is invited to Ron and Harriet’s wedding he gets a chance to observe the lives of several wealthy Jewish guests and it validates his long-held suspicions: their wealth has come at a terrible price. In order to afford and maintain their bourgeois lifestyle they sacrifice their happiness, health, and family relationships, obsessing over details, deals, and inventories spending long hours at their businesses stressing over troubles that may never come. Despite their wealth many of them are dour and spiritually empty, trapped in the observance of strict culturally imposed gender roles and ritualistic practices of faith. These trappings make it hard for them to see anything beyond their tight social circles and there is little for them to live for beyond the accumulation of material possessions and to show it off to people they don’t even like to be around.
Irony of Brenda’s Commitment to Neil
The truth of Brenda’s commitment to Neil is revealed when they check into a Cambridge hotel under the pretense of being a married couple. Brenda makes the reservations to the hotel, an act that Neil interprets as a sign of her willingness to defy the conservative traditions of her family. This is a huge matter for him as he is considering proposing to her. In the hotel, however, she tells him that her parents have discovered her diaphragm and that her parents have written her two letters expressing their disappointment with her and the express desire to have her break up with Neil. The revelation shocks Neil but he feels that the discovery of the contraceptive wasn’t accidental but rather a carefully orchestrated bailout on their relationship. Her commitment to Neil is therefore as a casual lover rather than a serious prospect for marriage as she is painfully aware of her parents' disdain for him.
Irony of Neil’s Resolve
Rather than reduce Neil to an emotional wreck, the resultant break up serves to reaffirm his own identity. In the hotel, they both realize that there is a gap between them that neither can cross, and Neil leaves the hotel room into the yard of Harvard University then into the library where he works where he has a profound epiphany about who he is and his intrinsic value as a person. He returns to his home in Newark and to his work with a renewed sense of purpose.
