Love
As the title would suggest, "For Women Who Are 'Difficult' to Love" places the theme of love at its center. The poem explores multiple aspects of love, closely examining them through the lens of a troubled relationship. The speaker says that the man in the relationship feels simultaneously attracted to and afraid of the woman's intensity. The speaker also describes the way in which the woman attempts to diminish herself in an effort to appease him, but says that this inevitably fails as she can feel him drifting from her. The speaker appears to believe that the woman must let him go in order to see herself and her value more clearly. The poem is about both the man's problematic and inadequate love as well as the woman's journey towards self-love. The speaker supports the woman's movement towards loving herself while revealing the selfishness that characterizes the man's semblance of love.
Self-Expression
Directly related to love, the poem also explores the idea of self-expression. Throughout the poem, the speaker depicts the man's lack of understanding of the woman. He finds her to be wild and "difficult," qualities that make him uncomfortable and gradually distant. The woman minimizes the traits that he takes issue with. In the words of the poem, she makes herself less "volatile" and "awake," making it apparent that she is downplaying meaningful and valuable parts of who she is. However, as the speaker notes, it is of no use. The speaker comments that it is best for her to simply let him leave, as he does not see her for what she really is. In this way, the speaker is supporting the woman's expression of self, encouraging her to embrace (and not push away) the qualities that the man was criticizing.
Connection
One of the poem's other main themes is connection. The relationship between the man and the woman that is at the core of the text is very frayed. The man claims to feel a deep and intense passion for the woman, but is also very put off by the aspects of her that he finds overwhelming or unsettling. As the speaker states later, this suggests that the connection between them is fraught. The woman feels pressured to change herself in a fruitless effort to make him feel better. In the poem, connection is portrayed as something that hinges on a mutual understanding between individuals. The man claiming that the woman is too "difficult" to love suggests that he does not truly love her. The poem demonstrates that genuine connection can only occur when someone understands someone else: without that they are simply constructing a version of the other person. In this case, the man seems to love a version of her that does not exist, in which she fundamentally changes herself to make him happy.
