"My mother was like a cat who could never catch the tail of happiness because she never stopped chasing it."
Beccah recalls how her mother behaved erratically throughout her childhood. Understanding that Akiko was unhappy, Beccah attributed it to her inability to remain satisfied for very long. In truth Akiko is suffering from acute PTSD from her past trauma. Comparing her to a cat, Beccah most likely is referring to how distant and nervous her mother behaved. Cats are known to be moody, reserved, and easily frightened, all of which are natural responses to trauma.
"I was twelve when I was murdered, fourteen when I looked into the Yalu River and, finding no face looking back at me, knew that I was dead. I wanted to let the Yalu's currents carry my body to where it might find my spirit again, but the Japanese soldiers hurried me across the bridge before I could jump.”
Akiko recalls being sold to the Japanese when she's twelve. She considers that the day her soul died. From that point on, she was just a body to be used by other people. Longing for death, she took every opportunity to escape from the camp including attempting suicide, but she was kept under close supervision at all times.
"The baby I could keep came when I was already dead."
When Akiko becomes pregnant in the camp, she is forcibly given an abortion. They won't allow her to keep a child in such an environment which would decrease her usefulness and attractiveness. After she's free, she finds out that she's pregnant again, this time with Beccah. She keeps the second baby, but she is not the same person as before. This time she feels like a walking body with no soul.
"I wanted to help my mother, shield her from the children's sharp-toothed barbs. . . And yet I didn't want to. Because for the first time as I watched and listened to the children taunting my mother, using their tongues to mangle what she said into what they heard, i saw and heard what they did. And I was ashamed."
Beccah is embarrassed by her mother's spiritualism because she doesn't understand it. For the longest time, she thought her mom was weak and needed to be defended when she got it into her head to do something bizarre in the name of the spirits. This time, however, she believes the kids. She too thinks her mom is kind of crazy.
