“Roadblock”
After a freak series of coincidences takes the lives of the rest of their family in four separate plane crashes within just a few months of each, the only surviving members left move in together. Ten years, the 35-year-old narrator tells the story of how 53-year-old Aunt Molly has flat out confessed she hates him and that her manifestation of these emotions have intensified from graffiti-based vandalism around the house to setting his possession on fire. He wouldn’t worry so much about these small fires if they were at the time babysitting the young child of the Columbian immigrant family next door who speak no English.
“Strangers on Vacation: Snapshots”
The finale clears up some of the mystery of the person wearing a weevil costume who is showing up in the photos of a family no matter where they travel for their vacation.
"Machulín in L.A."
Anyone who has ever wondered what life is like for the director of one of those terrible movies riffed to pieces on Mystery Science Theater 3000 now gets the chance to find out. The protagonist tried to make a good movie, but failed and now his legacy is that he is one of those guys. He is on his way to L.A. to the 38th wedding he will have attended this year. With him on the trip is the bride who will be marrying his cousin.
“On Paradise”
The cat-loving manager of a pet shop takes his favorite feline on a trip to Las Vegas to meet his mom and grandmother who had gained fame as a mother/daughter showgirl team. He’s got just two things he wants to know: “Are you really my mother? Are you really my grandmother?”
“Customer Service at the Karaoke Don Quixote”
A worker at the Karaoke Don Quixote narrates in the style of a thick Eastern European man whose learned English as a second language and sounds as fake as he actually. The accent is for the benefit of the writer-types who make up the bulk of the clientele. It seems to make the customer happy and a happy customer is returning customer.
“Your Significant Other’s Kitten Poster”
Less a story than a recounting of the various types of kitten posters that may be favored by girlfriends along with a psychological profile of what kind of person she is based on that poster and a prediction of what the future of their relationship will be like.
“Well Tended”
The first person narrator is addressing the neighbor girl on whom he had a crush who has recently moved out. The manager says she’s not coming back, but he takes care of her plants anyway. Until it seems as though the plants are actually ignoring him and he learns from one of them plants that they can communicate with her even though she’s far away.
“Souvenirs from Ganymede”
A first-person narrator rambles from one topic to the next in what feels like an exercise in semi-autobiographical fiction. Stories of snakes invading a home mingle with memories of neighbors and friends and the story finally coalesces around the narrator’s discovery of a book written by man allegedly abducted by aliens. This book fuels his own fantasies.
“The Lead Singer is Distracting Me”
The guitarist in a band finally has had enough and confesses that he wishes the leader singer would stop coming over to him during the music break and begin dancing right up in face.
“Liner Notes for `Renegade,' the Opening Sequence”
A fantasia on the actual opening title sequence of an actual TV show titled “Renegade” reveals that the original version was actually longer than the show itself.
“Hobbledehoydom”
A fan of the 19th century British writer Anthony Trollope reveals how he is a hobbledehoy—a gawkish young man—through his love of the novelist.
“The Spooky Japanese Girl is There For You”
In which the author discovers that this modern day horror film icon—known as an onryo—is an ancient ghost who comes back from the dead to haunt for a very specific reason and then leaves when needed no more.
“Forsaken, the Crew Awaited News from the People Below”
A somewhat macabre analysis of leisure culture focuses on a ship which has sunk with men aboard. The authorities board the ship afterward and later seal all the passageways leading down to the parts of the ship where the crew is assumed dead. Now the helm of the ship has been turned into a tourist attraction at which photographs can be taken speaking into an “auricular device” connected to the bowels of the ship where the crew—never seen again—is suspected of perishing.
“Best Worst American”
The collection’s closing story features a man who narrates stories in a Russian accent and is probably the same character who appeared in the earlier story. He does not narrate this one, however, which is told in the third-person without the Boris and Natasha speaking style. He spots a woman he’d seen on an episode of Oprah when she was a child prodigy and just wants to tell her how he saved her life.
