What do you know? Ben Conner

Pose an original question and answer it.

The traditional greetings of the hipsters in my area never really caught on with me. A “What’s popping?” or “Holla at yo’ boy?” coming out of my mouth would’ve screamed “trying too hard,” so I always refrained. Instead, my greeting of choice is to catch unsuspecting victims off guard with a casual “What do you know?” I like to attribute this to my constant quest for knowledge, but it’s more likely a combination of my acerbic wit, personable nature, and underlying desire for dominion, as the victims typically become submissive after this subliminal assertion of power (It’s a problem, I know. I’m working on it). Seeing as I’ve flustered countless numbers of victims with this technique, I think it’s time that I explore my own answer to this question. I don’t know if I’ll get to enjoy the same feeling of superiority that usually accompanies, but it’s all for the sake of fairness.

What do you know?

I know that the majority of suicides occur on a Monday, the plane attendants at the end of Casablanca were actually midgets, Bill Gates’ house was designed by a Macintosh computer, and tampering with someone else’s crab pot is a felony in Florida. These tidbits of knowledge represent my love for the...