A Musician's Purpose Amy Chiang

As an outspoken Asian girl with an unusually large number of freckles and the tone of a strong alto, I am generally very noticeable. I had always felt very comfortable with the people around me considering that I had been with the same group of friends since elementary school. Naturally, when I broke away from that group and joined an out-of-school orchestra for the first time in my life, I never expected to be faced with the exact opposite. Here, unexpectedly, I would be invisible.

Lost in such a huge group and completely out of my element, I was hidden in the back of a sea of strangers. I was overwhelmed with the music and the orchestra in general, keeping mostly to myself and only really talking to my stand partner when necessary. The more I saw how experienced and talented everyone else seemed to be, the more self conscious I felt about my playing especially since this music was more difficult than anything I had played before. I practiced for hours on end to learn the new pieces, improving slowly yet still feeling as if I was working harder than the others just to keep up.

Preoccupied with what I considered my less than satisfactory performance, I found it difficult to truly lose myself in the music. It was so frustrating...