I don't know what it is,
but I like it.
It gives me pleasure
that I can't identify.
It's not like eating candy,
but it's just as bad,
because I had to lie to grandmother.
In this stanza, the narrator is discussing the disturbingly conflicting emotions she feels whenever her grandfather abuses her. She explains that his hands between her legs physically feels good. She struggles to understand why her grandfather’s abusive touch feels so good. She intimates that part of the pleasure she experiences is not just physical, but emotional. Due to her young age, part of the narrator likely equated her father’s sexual advances to an emotional and intellectual attraction, as well. Her grandfather’s abuse likely appeared to be rooted in love and attraction; part of the narrator enjoys the attention and attraction she receives. She then explains that the pleasure she feels is not like the type of pleasure she gets from eating candy, but something different. The narrator is referring here to conflicted sexual pleasure, which is far worse than candy because she has to lie about her grandfather’s abuse to her grandmother.
Your own life
is a chain of words
that one day will snap.
This stanza is a metaphorical representation of the often unexpected release of death. The imagery of a chain of words snapping in half is very symbolic of the way the chain of life is broken by the bonds of death. In this way, this stanza is a perfect metaphor for death, as death comes on suddenly and without warning; it severs the chains of life.
I'm going out and get something.
I don't know what.
I don't care.
Whatever's out there, I'm going to get it.
This quotation, which opens Ogawa’s poem, immediately expresses the hostile atmosphere of Los Angeles in 1992. Here, Ogawa is expressing her feelings of helplessness at the acquittal of the four police officers who were accused of beating Rodney King to death. Her declaration that she’s going to go out and “get something” is indicative of Ogawa’s intense desire to fight back, to revolt, to recognize the memory of Rodney King--and countless others who have been victims to violence against blacks in America. She wants to showcase her power and influence as a black woman in America by purchasing or attaining something--be it an object or an idea--that can vindicate the horrible wrongdoing.
You never notice me until the end of the day,
when your hand is on my knee
and the ice cream, cooked to broth,
is hot enough to burn the skin off my touch.
This short poem is representative of the poor, working class populations in America. This stanza exemplifies how these two individuals, a couple, are so overwhelmed and overcome by the responsibilities and necessities of the day that they do not even have time to notice or care for each other until the end of the day. It represents all that working class citizens sacrifice for the ability to make a living in America.
[S]he turns back to the window
to catch the last glimpse of the sunflowers
that sent her thoughts on a journey
from which she knows she will never return,
only go on and on
and then just go.
In this poem, a random passenger on a train catches sight of a passing field of sunflowers. During this stanza, the passenger turns back to look at the sunflowers before the escape from view. She ponders the thoughts the sunflowers invoked in her--thoughts of aging, health, and death. She realizes that these small, seemingly insignificant sunflowers ignited in her a stream of consciousness from which she will never return. Until the conclusion of her life, the passenger will remember these thoughts but will never escape from their terrifying power over her.
I traveled back through time
to the dark and heavy breathing part of my life
I thought was gone,
but it had only sunk from view
into the quicksand of my mind.
This poem, which details the conflicting and disturbing sexual abuse the narrator experienced at the hand of her grandfather, is filled with descriptive language and imagery. In this stanza, the narrator is asking herself why she finds herself attracted to men who disgust her. Whenever she wonders this, she is reminded of her sexual abuse and the conflicting feelings that arose because of this abuse. These memories transport the narrator back to that time when she was a young child, and her grandfather would take her out to the back yard to abuse her. This stanza represents the idea that our memories--even the darkest ones--can never truly be erased. Though we can bury them deeply within our subconscious, they are always there; always ready to rise to the surface and re-open healed wounds.
I want to scream, but silence holds my tongue
Stalin has to press his ear to my mouth:
I have only myself. Put me on the train.
I won’t look back.
“Killing Floor” details the hostility of 1917 Russia. The main character is a young man who is situated near Stalin’s power source. In this particular stanza, Ogawa is highlighting how strict the Russian government was at the time. Citizens, like the narrator, had little choice but to follow the government’s (Stalin’s) orders and instructions. Though the main character wanted so desperately to cry out and escape the clutches of Russia’s oppressive government, he knew he could not--especially being as close to Stalin as he was. This stanza helps to set the mood for and tone for Ogawa’s deeply sorrowful and dark poem.
