What silent wish/ question does Esperanza have on page 223 that suggests the opposite of "Esperanza Rising"?

From the text:

Esperanza was too ashamed to tell anyone what was said in the vineyard and she secretly knew Miguel’s leaving was her fault. When she saw Hortensia’s anxiety, Esperanza felt the heavy responsibility for his safety.

She went to Papa’s roses and when she saw the first bloom, her heart ached because she wished she could run and tell Miguel. Please, Our Lady, she prayed, don’t let anything happen to him or I will never be able to forgive myself for the things I said.