why does ender hate himself

Ender tells Valentine that he hates himself, and when Valentine says, "No, Ender," he insists that he does. He says that "In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him." According to Ender, it is impossible to truly know and understand somebody, "what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves." But, in the very moment that he loves them, Ender "destroys" them. "I make it impossible for them to ever hurt me again.

because everytime ender does some thing wrong he thinks back to what his brother peter did to him he thinks he is violent

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