What is the turmoil in Ender’s soul? Support your answer with a quote from the novel.

Ender says that every time he almost escapes from his training, they suck him back in, and Valentine admits that she probably has been called upon to do just that. Ender admits that every time he beats an enemy, he wins because he can understand how they think, a sad condition of sympathy and love just before the kill. With the buggers, however, he is worried because he understands nothing about them or their strengths and weaknesses.