what is the turmoil in enders soul?

After the fight with Bonzo, Ender is in turmoil. Ender leaves and tells Dink, crying, "I didn't want to hurt him! Why didn't he just leave me alone!" Ender really had no choice but to fight. He would like to find peaceful solutions but is finding that his sociopathic brother Peter to be right about human nature. Ender is being forced to become what he used to loath.