MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE FEB. 26, IN THE MORNING.
My aunt, who staid here last night, made me a visit this morning as
soon as it was light. She tells me, that I was left alone with my
father yesterday on purpose that he might talk with me on my expected
obedience; but that he owned he was put beside his purpose by
reflecting on something my brother had told him in my disfavour, and
by his impatience but to suppose, that such a gentle spirit as mine
had hitherto seemed to be, should presume to dispute his will in a
point where the advantage of the whole family was to be so greatly
promoted by my compliance.
I find, by a few words which dropt unawares from my aunt, that they
have all an absolute dependence upon what they suppose to be meekness
in my temper. But in this they may be mistaken; for I verily think,
upon a strict examination of myself, that I have almost as much in me
of my father's as of my mother's family.
My uncle Harlowe it seems is against driving me upon extremities: But
my brother has engaged, that the regard I have for my reputation, and
my principles, will bring me round to my duty; that's the expression.
Perhaps I shall have reason to wish I had not known this.
My aunt advises me to submit for the present to the interdicts they
have laid me under; and indeed to encourage Mr. Solmes's address. I
have absolutely refused the latter, let what will (as I have told her)
be the consequence. The visiting prohibition I will conform to. But
as to that of not corresponding with you, nothing but the menace that
our letters shall be intercepted, can engage my observation of it.
She believes that this order is from my father, and that my mother has
not been consulted upon it. She says, that it is given, as she has
reason think, purely in consideration to me, lest I should mortally
offend him; and this from the incitements of other people (meaning you
and Miss Lloyd, I make no doubt) rather than by my own will. For
still, as she tells me, he speaks kind and praiseful things of me.
Here is clemency! Here is indulgence!--And so it is, to prevent a
headstrong child, as a good prince would wish to deter disaffected
subjects, from running into rebellion, and so forfeiting every thing!
But this is allowing to the young-man's wisdom of my brother; a
plotter without a head, and a brother without a heart!
How happy might I have been with any other brother in the world but
James Harlowe; and with any other sister but his sister! Wonder not,
my dear, that I, who used to chide you for these sort of liberties
with my relations, now am more undutiful than you ever was unkind. I
cannot bear the thought of being deprived of the principal pleasure of
my life; for such is your conversation by person and by letter. And
who, besides, can bear to be made the dupe of such low cunning,
operating with such high and arrogant passions?
But can you, my dear Miss Howe, condescend to carry on a private
correspondence with me?--If you can, there is one way I have thought
of, by which it may be done.
You must remember the Green Lane, as we call it, that runs by the side
of the wood-house and poultry-yard where I keep my bantams, pheasants,
and pea-hens, which generally engage my notice twice a day; the more
my favourites because they were my grandfather's, and recommended to
my care by him; and therefore brought hither from my Dairy-house since
his death.
The lane is lower than the floor of the wood-house; and, in the side
of the wood-house, the boards are rotted away down to the floor for
half an ell together in several places. Hannah can step into the
lane, and make a mark with chalk where a letter or parcel may be
pushed in, under some sticks; which may be so managed as to be an
unsuspected cover for the written deposits from either.
***
I have been just now to look at the place, and find it will answer.
So your faithful Robert may, without coming near the house, and as
only passing through the Green Lame which leads to two or three farm- houses [out of livery if you please] very easily take from thence my
letters and deposit yours.
This place is the more convenient, because it is seldom resorted to
but by myself or Hannah, on the above-mentioned account; for it is the
general store-house for firing; the wood for constant use being nearer
the house.
One corner of this being separated off for the roosting-place of my
little poultry, either she or I shall never want a pretence to go
thither.
Try, my dear, the success of a letter this way; and give me your
opinion and advice what to do in this disgraceful situation, as I
cannot but call it; and what you think of my prospects; and what you
would do in my case.
But before-hand I will tell you, that your advice must not run in
favour of this Solmes: and yet it is very likely they will endeavour
to engage your mother, in order to induce you, who have such an
influence over me, to favour him.
Yet, on second thoughts, if you incline to that side of the question,
I would have you write your whole mind. Determined as I think I am,
and cannot help it, I would at least give a patient hearing to what
may be said on the other side. For my regards are not so much engaged
[upon my word they are not; I know not myself if they be] to another
person as some of my friends suppose; and as you, giving way to your
lively vein, upon his last visits, affected to suppose. What
preferable favour I may have for him to any other person, is owing
more to the usage he has received, and for my sake borne, than to any
personal consideration.
I write a few lines of grateful acknowledgement to your good mother
for her favours to me in the late happy period. I fear I shall never
know such another. I hope she will forgive me, that I did not write
sooner.
The bearer, if suspected and examined, is to produce that as the only
one he carries.
How do needless watchfulness and undue restraint produce artifice and
contrivance! I should abhor these clandestine correspondences, were
they not forced upon me. They have so mean, so low an appearance to
myself, that I think I ought not to expect that you should take part
in them.
But why (as I have also expostulated with my aunt) must I be pushed
into a state, which I have no wish to enter into, although I reverence
it?--Why should not my brother, so many years older, and so earnest to
see me engaged, be first engaged?--And why should not my sister be
first provided for?
But here I conclude these unavailing expostulations, with the
assurance, that I am, and ever will be,
Your affectionate, CLARISSA HARLOWE.
